Dude... my nose is running... you got the Crow Bar?

Well, it happened. The Mario Speedwagon was vandalized last night. Allow me to back up...

My Dad's Birthday is today (WOO-HOO!) so he and I went to the Pirates game last night. Wanting to see my place of work, he stopped by here shortly before quitting time, to see everything, then we left my car in the lot here, and took his downtown for the game.

Things were great. Max and Erma's was not crowded, walking across the bridge was awesome as always, and the Buccos were actually winning against the Astros. (I have a pretty good win-loss record at PNC park, not gonna lie).

However, we got into the third inning, and things took a turn. I got a call from a number i didn't know, and it was someone from work. My car... the Mario Speedwagon... had been broken into. (can i end that with a preposition? i don't really care. i just did.)

So we leave the game, walk back across the bridge get in the Jeep and head up to my car. On the way to my dad's car, i said to him "sorry, dad. i think we missed the pirates winning"

"actually, i think we saw them win... unless they fall behind and come back again..." we'll get to that later.

So, we get to the car and one of the guys from the office (who had had his window smashed as well) had been kind enough to wait for us to get there. his window was pretty much knocked clean out, and he had some change stolen.

I looked at my passenger side window... all smashed, but only about a football sized hole in the side of it. Apparently the window on my car was exceptionally had to break, because (juding by the bent metal where the window meets the door) the person who did this had to wedge a crow bar into the side to break the window... you'd think just swinging 10 pounds of iron at glass would do the trick.

Here is the thing... the car was still locked. The doors were shut, the glass hadn't been fully kicked in... and everything seemed to still be in the vehicle...

... with one exception...

my Kleenex.

When I opened to the doors I did a sweep to see what had been stolen. House key? There. Dressy rain-coat? There. Watch? There. Pipe? There. Extra Shoes? There. Puppy? Didn't have one to begin with. CDs? There.

The only thing i could not find... the ONLY thing... were my kleenex. I suppose it is possible that they Kleenex fell out somewhere else, or i took them out this weekend, or something... but that was the only thing i couldn't find.

it put in mind a Kleenex junkie... wandering around with a crazed look in his eye... staggering throught the streets with a leather trench coat and a crow bar, going from car to car looking for soft facial tissues...

i imagine he goes home to his lair, to his stockpiles of kleenex... and if you get in good with him he'll show you his private collection, in his walk-in humidore... the Kleenex with lotion...