The Upside of the Bus

This morning, as i was walking the two blocks through the neighborhood to the bus stop I saw both the OV and the 16A (the only two buses i can take, and the only two on this route) stop... with the 16A right on the OVs tail... i am not kidding when i say that the 16A looked like it was going to collide with the OV. Stupid buses being early.

The upside to riding the bus, i have found, is that i am able to listen to the iPod and get some reading done. This morning it was one of my all-time favorite authors, Mr. Bill Bryson.

The book is titled "In A Sunburned Country" and chronicles his travels in Australia. Before reading this boook the first time, i had never given Australia much thought. It is now a goal of mine to get there. He is so informative, while observing the greatest idiosynchracies of anywhere he travels, and he certainly found a wealth of material in the Outback.

This morning, i was reading one of my favorite parts of the book, where Bryson describes Canberra (Can-bra) and i had to stop a few times and resettle myself to keep from laughing outloud on the bus, and risk looking like the people that i tend to avoid in the street... you know the ones... standing facing a wall chuckling to themselves and giving passers-by sideways looks that give them more than the typical "personal bubble"...

Anyway... there are upsides to riding the bus... it would seem.

Port Authority... and why no one uses it

you don't even know...

When I am driving to work, the commute is as few as 25 minutes and as many at 45. Its really not bad. I usually leave the house between 7 and 730 and get in before 8 every day. One of the biggest perks is listening to WDUQ the whole way. You don't even know.

When i take the bus in the morning, like when the Speedwagon is hurt (moment of silence) i leave the house at 645, and i get to work at 830. That is an hour and 45 minutes... an hour and 45 minutes.

Yesterday, i took the bus home and... i am not kidding... there was a point where we stopped three times withing 100 feet. And my estimate of 100 feet is a VERY generous estimate.

We stopped at a bus stop... moved the length of the bus to a stop light... sat at the light till it turned green... the stopped on the other side of the intersection. And this was not a big intersection. There was a sidewalk on both sides, and the street we crossed was barely wide enough to have one lane of each traffic in each direction.

THIS is why more people don't use public transportation. You don't even know.

I love Pittsburgh... love it, love it... and i LOVE riding the subway. But here is the thing... it is almost useless to me. The bus drops me at Wood street, so i head into the station, and hop on the T... then i get off at Steel plaza... that is five blocks. Five. I mean, it is fun, and saves me walking... but if i have to wait for the train at all it takes the same time as walking.

I understand that if you are coming from the south hills it is an amazing piece of public transit, but everyone else basically gets a big nose-thumbing from the port authority. Why can the port authority not burrow East from downtown? Wouldn't that make a good bit of sense? But a station in at Duquesne, a stop at the beginnning of Oakland, one under the Cathedral of Learning, Another past CMU... heck, they could even take it out to Monroeville. I guess that would be too logical. You don't even know.

It makes a lot more sense to burrow over to the stadiums, since people seem to REALLY hate walking across the Clemente Bridge...

Oh wait... People love that. They don't even know.

If they just take the north shore connector to the stadiums and that is it, it will be the biggest waste ever. Here's hoping they make it worthwhile and put topside tracks North and West.

NOTHING gets my heart pumping like...

Nothing get my heart pumping and my Black and Gold Blood racing like this sound... Crack me open an Ahrn City.

That is right... and we are now OFFICIALLY less than a month away from the first preseason game. Boo. Yah.

Steelers-Eagles... August 8th... Heinz Field. 7:30pm EDT.

Caption Time!

This was in today's Post-Gazette... McCain visited the Consol R&D center in South Park...

Possible captions are:

John McCain:
(all to himslef)
"Is that a jolly rancher in my teeth...?"
"I heard there is a pressure point between your thumb and pointer for when you are in pai...rrrrrrrrrrr there it is!"

Cindy McCain:
"ooooooh yeah... i love it when guys talk research and design... mrrroww!"

Steve Winberg (Guy on Left):
"This is where i grope the air..."
"Right over there! We could play dodgeball!"
"Obi Wan says to use the force..."
"I believe... i believe you have my stappler...?"

WARNING: this post contains a bad word...

I was at subway the other day for lunch (like every day of the week) and there was a kid in front of me with all these tattoos and piercings... basically one of those punks who wants to look as intimidating as possible.

He was also one of those kids who feels the need to sprinkle swear words throughout his sentences like negative pixie dust to mask any potential feelings of sensitivity he might have.

He got up to the front of the line... and ordered as follows... in the toughest voice he could muster... "I'll have the sweet onion chick'n teriaki on 'talian herb 'n cheese... 'n shit."

You know what? It IS hard to order ANYTHING on Italian Herb and Cheese bread and sound manly... especially something that starts with "sweet onion"... i should know i do it every day. It just never occurred to me that adding "and shit" to the end of the order made it tough.

Being behind him in line i thought about ordering the "sweet onion chicken teriaki on italian herb and cheese bread WITHOUT the shit, please"... or "if i get that same order can you hold the shit?" and the classic "wow! when did you guys start carrying shit on the menu?"

Instead, i cleared my throat, and in the most specific and well spoken voice of sincerity i said "i too will be having the 'sweet onion chicken teriaki on itialian herbs and cheese bread and shit..."

at the least the girl behind the counter laughed...

Take Me Out OF the Ballgame...

Last night I was at the ballpark for the Pirates-Yankees game in which the Pirates beat NY 12-5. Bows... thank you so much.

I was sitting in section 115 behind homeplate, enjoying the game when suddenly there was something two rows in front of me that took my attention...

A man in his late 50's or early 60's (i'd guess) started having an early onset stroke. His son was concerned and a kid we had dubbed "Mr. Obnoxious" stepped in to help. A doctor was called down from the section while the usher waived a yellow card for the paramedics to find the situation ASAP...

Here is the kind of funny part: The guy didn't seem at all phased by the fact that he was having a stroke. The doctor who was upholding his Hippocratic Oath kept asking the guy questions, to which he would nod, or shake his head, then... this was priceless... the guy having the stroke would lean around the crowd of assistance in front of him to see what was going on with the game...

The guy had a blood clot in his brain causing serious problems and he is thinking... "Boy, i hope that cheering means we just struck A-Rod out... better take a look."

Props to the people who helped him out... seriously. And kudos to the gentleman having the stroke as well. He seemed to calm, and collected as they strapped him to the stair stretcher, and then hobbled up the awkwardly spaced steps with him...

So, having described his general demeanor I don't think the following thought I had is ALL that sick... just a little.

They were getting him on the stretcher at the 7th inning break when we all stand and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame..."

all i could think was "Get me out of the ballgame, get me out of this crowd..."

yeah, i guess i have issues with humor...

Some more things i have learned

A) REO Speedwagon cannot be listened to quietly. I tried today. When Handel was over, i elected to have The Wagon serenade me as i worked... i had to crank the earphones to get the right effect.

August 14th.... August 14th...

B) "Stuck Behind a Bus" would be both a challenging and terribly awful/frustrating arcade game, as evidenced my commute this morning. After getting away from the bus i was stuck behind on 65, i ended up behind a different one downtown. That'll add a good ten minutes to the commute.

C) Google is taking over the world, and I'm sadly behind. I found a new feature on google this morning called teh "Street View"... ok, so it was new to me. I spent the last four years in Meadville. If the street you are looking at is outlined in blue (most all of pittsburgh qualifies) you can click on it, and there are panoramic 360 degree pictures every 8 feet or so travelling down the street...

it is like driving. I saw my apartment, and the office, and people waiting for buses... nuts. Totally nuts.

soon the CIA will just be the GIA... the Google Intelligence Agency.

I bet if we think there are weapons of mass destruction somewhere in the future we'll just log on google... "oh look! there they are!... and what do you know, if you take that off ramp into that cave over there... Osama!"

Don't think it won't happen. We're almost there.

A Pittsburgh Commute Race

Driving in this morning, i hit almost no significant traffic. I have been toying with the idea of getting a a motorcycle or a scooter to save on gas prices... i am even thinking of riding my bicycle in to reduce my gas usage... not cause it is green... but because i am a capitalist, and it makes better economic sense.

So today, I was sitting at a light on Grant Street when a cyclist from the office passed me on the sidewalk. We had to get up to SoHo to the office, so i ran a little experiment (my engineer grandfather has me hooked on figuring economic stuff out like this). I figured, i'll drive the speed limit like i always do in the city, and see who gets to the office first.

I paced it just right, hit every light green, or just about to turn green, and when i turned down the side street to get to our private lot, i could see that bike-boy was a good two blocks behind me.

I had, indeed, gotten to the parking lot first. But then i realized i had a good block and a half to walk to get into the building.

Bike wins.

He even had to ride up hill, through Duquesne. Bike wins.

However, i am lazy, and don't enjoy being sweaty, or riding in loafers. Time to start looking for a scooter...

Pittsburgh has Politics?

A) There is a CostCo bag of DD Coffee here. Mmmm... i dunno about life, but IIIIII run on Dunkin'.

B) So this "gritty feeling i have in my right eye when i wear my contacts" is apparently an allergic reaction to something... undetermined. So, i am wearing glasses for 10 days. I forgot what a pain that is.

C) Listening to WDUQ this morning on the drive in, i heard that there is a group or a movement going by the name "The Whiskey Rebellion 2," and that they are trying to get a referendum on the November Ballot to repeal the "Onorato Tax" (the 10% added tax on any alcoholic beverage). Onorato is threatening a response he is calling "The Property Tax Rebellion."

I don't even know what to think, to be honest. There is a part of me that is thinking, "well... the money has to come from somewhere..." and the other part of me is thinking "i do hate paying 14 dollars for two beers."

What ALL of me is thinking is this. "The Property Tax Rebellion"? No. That is not in the LEAST what he is proposing. What Onorato is proposing should be called something along the lines of "The Great Dark Alternative" or, "Onorato's Reign of Terror." Call it like it is, Dan, Case here is the thing: Rebellions are always AGAINST the man... and you cannot rebel AGAINST the man if you ARE the man. Don't get me wrong, i am no anarchist or anything... this is just how it works. YOU, Daniel, are part of what these people are rebelling against, cause you are in power. You cannot rebel if you HAVE the power. There is nothing against which to rebel. gawd.

And, as i alluded to with my suggestions for alternative names to the plan, why do politicians have to be so un-inventive? To borrow from the West Wing, i would wager that Onorato is so unimaginative if he ever became President (God-Forbid) his secret service code name would be "Dan Onorato." I bet when they form a committee to start fixing the bridges and potholes in and around the Pittsburgh, he will want to call it "The Committee To Fix The Bridges And Potholes In And Around The City Of Pittsburgh."...

The CTFTBAPIAATCOP... look out. It's coming.





...also... Dan Onorato... when you say that doesn't it beg a jingle to the tune of "camp anawana..." i cannot possibly be the first to think of that...