Some Long Overdue Holland Quotes

So i was looking over my notes, and it has been a very long time since i gave you ghetors some more of Holland's best.

1. "She is the goddess of beer goggles... helping unattractive people have sex since 1847."

2. (While validating a students question about the origins of ancient creation stories) "...Yeah! Who makes all this shit up?"

3. Student: "Why did this religion die out to monotheism?"
Holland: "Well... yeah. They (monotheists) had bigger swords."

4. "you will notice in these carvings that the Egyptian dancers are not fully attired by our standards... although i suppose taht depends on the type of music you like."

5. (This one is a classic from Holland, a line he uses at least once a week) "Creation stories can explain how things got to be the way that they are now... like why life sucks and then you die."

6. "People groups used to refer to themselves, in thier own languages, as 'the people'. That was the problem when the Europeans here; they would meet a group of people and say 'who are you?' and the y would say 'we are 'the people', and the nezxt people over, they are the 'shitheads,'' and then the Europeans would climb the next hill and yell, 'HAIL SHITHEADS!" and then get shot."

7. "Dingu is Sumerian for 'god'... so i guess the gods ate your baby."

8. "Ok... it's time to start listing some Syrian ass-kickers."

9. "... so it become Shamuti vs. Sha-muti... which is a song from The Music Man sung by Buddy Hackett."

10. (On the say we discussed mesopotamian errotic poetry, as a student returns from the restroom) "Oh Good! You are back in time for the dirty stuff."

11. "'Bizzurk is Skandanavian for 'one who wears bearskins' beacause that was back when they wore bearskins, before they founded ABBA and decided to afflict the world in another way."

12. (describing a myth about gods battling) "...Beastmaster nv. human leader! MANIA IN MESOPOTAMIA!... sorry, too much coffee today."

13. "So Samson catches a bunch of foxes ties their tails together with a torch inbetween to burn down the field. One of the stupidest stories in the Bible... try this, i have done it at home, get a couple of foxes, tie thier tails together and put a lit torch in the middle: They don't run side by side, they run away from each other, and the torch stands straight up, until it falls over and one of the fozes burns to death. Come on... either that or they maul you to death... and tha tis why I don't have a brother anymore."

14. "What is the name of the ani-christ in the Left Behind series? Like 'Malevolent Evil Bastardo'? Yeah... those guys are really subtle."

15. (Discussing how it is rare for beliefs to not be applicable to real life) "Some of these gods are crazy, and if you stirr your coffee with your fork it will snow orange in Oldenberg Ohio... a lot of people don't know that."


Alright... that is all for now. I have some more to sift through, and know that Professor Holland is talking about Judeo-Chrisitian beliefs he is really on a roll.