1300 CATS? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I dislike cats. i think everyone who knows me well knows this. There have been two cats in my life i have liked. One is our CCO representative's cougar. Ok... it may not be a real cougar, but the thing is huge... ginromous even. And i like it, cause the cat's owner treated it like a puppy when it was young, so now it acts like a dog that lands softly on it's feet. Never experienced wrestling with a cat before.

The other cat I liked, unfortunately, had a brain tumor. It was super affectionate and sweet... not mean like most of the felines that make up Satan's army of darkness and death. My uncle James only liked one cat too, (i think the dislike runs in my family) and that cat had survived it's head being crushed in a recliner, giving it brain damage (do i see a trend starting?) According to family folklore Jim is credited with the line "It took severe brain damage to make a cat likable." I agree. Cats should be harvested when they cease to be kittens.

So you can imagine my horror when a friend of mine mentioned that a 1993 study at the University of Wisconsin in Madison estimated that there were 1,295 cats per square mile in the city. 1300 CATS IN A SQUARE MILE! GROSS! That is 1300 little naked pink butts sitting on counters and 1300 little rough tongues licking faucets in kitchens and bathrooms... 1300 smelly sandboxes making basements and bathroom smell like death. What is the matter with Americans?

At least in 1484, Pope Innocent decreed that all Cats and Cat lovers be burned in the Inquisition... He understood that they were in league with the Devil. Seriously... Google it.
At least the inquisition got one thing right.