Holland Quotes: First Edition

I once again have class with one of the smartest and most sardonic professors in the history of education: Professor Glenn Holland (yeah... not the one with the Opus.) The Religious Studies Department here never was and never is never as rich as when Professor Holland is teaching. He tends to say things seriously, and then add a sarcastic afterthought, in a way of mocking what he just said. I am often the only person laughing at 9:30am.

Let me remind you that this is the man who, when discussing the parable of the prodigal son said, "... the prodigal son, which would be more appropriately titled 'The Crazy Old Man, and his Two Loser Kids.'"

Amazing.

This semester the subject is "Near Eastern Religions in the times of the Ancient" (title changed to maintain anonymity. wink, wink.). Here are just a couple of the quotes i managed to record:

1. "...and that is why they would have eaten, say, black jelly beans... there might be another reason to eat black jelly beans... I've never found one."

2. (talking about not just relying solely on prayer): "You don't JUST get down on your knees and pray, you also look under the hood... or call AAA if you are a hopeless loser like me."

3. (on Egyptian Creation Myths) "so that is where everything came from... Then there was the cat. No one knows where it came from, it just showed up. (pause) Please don't put that in your notes; I have had students write that kind of stuff down and then it come back to haunt me on their tests. (mocking a past student, in a whiny voice): 'But you said...!' No."

4. "...Or the scarab, who is the God of the Rising Sun... and has a house in New Orleans. So moving on, we can see that..."

5. (While showing a slide of a representation of an Egyptian God): "That is a nice representation of Toth. If you ever run into Toth, I'm pretty sure this is what he will look like... actually, if you ever run into Toth, you might want to check yourself into rehab. And tell Lindsay (Lohan) hello."



the man is great.