Uhm... Fwinter?

A.) Today, i woke up, stepped outside, and my tongue froze... still inside my mouth.

Let me back up...

A couple of days ago it was bleak mid-winter. Blizzarding, ice falling from the sky in blocks big enough to carve at Icefest.

That is called "winter."

Then it was sunny and into the 50's for a couple of days. I actually had the windows in the living room open all day yesterday.

That is called "spring."

Then today, i wake up, look out my window, see the sun shining beautifully over the brownish grass, and decaying leaves... so what do i do? I don a light jacket, head out the door... and i can't move my face. At all. The mud that was making everything so gross yesterday, still looked like mud, but it was hard... it froze like that. Fossilized, really.

That is called "Fall."

It looks like spring, but it is too damn cold, and it is called fall. Fall.

Lets review: It went Winter, Spring, Fall.

FALL. That is what came after spring?

Where... wait for it... was summer? We could have had the shortest year on record, but someone messed up. Whatever.

Its fall again. Great.

BREAKING NEWS

This group of former hippies left their Italian knoll and has finally bought the world a coke.

Harmony ensues.

I knew the hippies could make it happens. All it took for the world to stop fighting was a coke... and turtledoves... and feathered hair coupled with white turtleneck sweaters. Thats what the Israelis and Palestinians have been missing. Tacky clothing, and coke.

Don't Buy In

Ok Gators...


We all got accepted to Allegheny, so it would seem that we are all at least that smart... right?

So WHY are so many people excited about the changes being made to Brooks and McKinley's? One ASG member put it really well today. "I don't understand why people are excited. They should have been doing at LEAST this much all along."

People on campus are literally buying into Sodexho's scheme, which seems to be "if we give them really really crappy service for four years, it will seem amazing when we just do the minimum of what we should have all along."

I don't know if we are all aware, but Sodexho has been resistant to many student suggestions such as buying local, and providing food from the community. Allegedly they argue that it is too expensive to provide locally grown food. However, Grove City College (just down 79) has lots of locally grown food at their cafeterias, their students LOVE the food and, guess what... they pay SIGNIFICANTLY less than we do for meal plans.

People... there is more hope out there. My Arch Nemesis Ronnie Sims may be getting the boot, as there are at leasts two other companies vying to buy out the contract and treat the Gators the way they should have been treated all along.

ASG is meeting with Sodexho today, and the other two companies later this week, and sometimes later this semester the competition will have the option to wow us with their selections and service.

I am serious. The next person i hear praise Sodexho's new food at Brooks is getting a side of beef to the head... it is still over-cooked to the point of being rock-like, so it WILL hurt.

Oh Britney...

Dubbed "the hot mess" by someone at Allegheny's Collegiate Leadership Conference earlier this year, Britney Spears just cannot keep herself out of the crazy-light.

I was driving through Meadville the other night flipping through radio stations and i found "Nights with Alice Cooper" on the classic rock station in town. Alice Cooper, for those of you who don't know has never been considered exactly "normal".

He told some corny joke, but then started talking about Britney (some connection with Angus wearing a school uniform and Britney doing the same... i don't really remember). Anyway, Alice made some comment about "what happened to Britney? She is really messed up. I used to think she was just a little booze crazy, but i think she needs some major help. Lots of meds too, or soemthing." I don't remember EXACTLY what he said, but i think that was the gist of it.

Lets think about this for a second. When ALICE "I AM GOING TO PAINT MY FACE TOO LOOK LIKE A SCARY CROSS-DRESSER AND COVER MYSELF IN FAKE BLOOD AND ACT LIKE A MANIAC" COOPER says something is wrong with you, it is a good indication that your life is on the wrong track.

It reminds me of a story i heard on NPR's "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me!" when they had the guy from Veterinary ER show on. The guy was a bouncer for years for bands like the Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead. He said that after spending years protecting these guys, Keith Richards took him aside and said "you really need to give up this bouncing and do something with your life, man."

He remark on the show was "when Keith Richards tells you to get you life together, you should probably listen!"

Anyway... Britney, you hot mess... here's hoping you get it together.

Apparently you CAN polish a turd

The saying about Caflisch has for years been "You Can't Polish a Turd." I went to Brooks today, and I am here to tell you that it IS possible to polish a turd.

The Sodexho Suits (or the "SS") have been in Brooks dining hall and McKinley's food court all year, like some quiet corporate mafia... scheming, talking with my Arch Nemesis Ronnie Sim'...
Apparently they are actually worried about losing our dining services contract because they polished that turd like never before.

Brooks is equipped with a new sign-in station, a 40-some inch plasma TV on the wall (too bad the Gator-net doesn't provide anything in HD), a brand new service line where the old TV was in addition to the other service lines that have always been in the little alcove, a full service deli, full service second option, a newly designed pasta in front of the pizza line, and a dessert bar where the deli bar used to be. Also, everyone down there is now dressed like a Chef (not to be confused with a Chief, or a Chief, or a Chief).

The selection is impressive... I decided i should probably sample a few things to really get a feel for the new place: I had Spaghetti Alfredo, Chicken and Dumplings, French Onion Soup, a dang Quesadilla, and guess what... ITS THE SAME FOOD WE HAD BEFORE! The Soup was just brownish water with salt and a few onions floating in it, the quesadilla was just a burned tortilla with like a 16th ounce of cheese in it, and the Alfredo had no flavor until covered in twice as much Parmesan cheese as sauce.

Yes Gators, it is true. Sodexho took that turn, spit shined it, put in a brand spanking new turd box, and gave it back to us... STILL a turd.

There is good news, however. There have always been a few items at Brooks that were not terrible. With the vast new selection of options at each meal, i am betting we will each be able to find something palatable. For me, today, it was the Chicken Dumplings.

The Lipton Raspberry Tea, on the other hand, is as amazing as it ever has been. I am just grateful that Lipton has its act together.

Lets Talk about the Turnpike and 79 North

A) I drove back to school today. Pennsylvania Turnpike and 79 North. I drove at 74 MPH most of the way, cause it is posted at 65 and i believe that 9 miles over is the cut off for not being pulled over. (plus it is not the end of the month, so cops shouldn't be looking to fill quotas).

B) Speaking of cops... i believe they should be required to drive at or above the speed limit, and in the fast lane at all times. I HATE when they drive under speed limit in the slow lane... who wants to pass a cop?

C) I have always thought the 79/turnpike interchange at Cranberry is curvier than Britney Spears in her hot days, and think that people drive too fast on it, especially the semis (i suppose that is the old man in me talking). The cop i alluded to following above was headed for that interchange today. When we got there we came upon a tractor/trailer on its side. ON ITS SIDE. It looked like some kid had taken a matchbox car and just laid it gently against the jersey barrier on the interchange... and then blown all the windows out.

MORAL: Slow the crap down on the turns, trucks. GOSH!

D) The Cranberry toll plaza on the turnpike has a special lane where people with EZpass don't have to slow down, they just keep on trucking (hehe) and their EZpass unit is scanned. Those of us without EZpass have to get off and go through the toll plaza on the side like everyone has been doing since 1930.

Why then are there still "EZpass ONLY" lanes in the plaza where i get off to pay? I can understand making a couple that are EZpass AND Tickets, in case some moron with EZpass forgets to use the speed lanes in the middle, or just feels like driving through a narrow corridor just for giggles... but EZpass only? That is ridiculous. ARGH!

E) It is time for me to finish unpacking now. The record player is hooked up to the surround sound again, so it is time for some classic vinyl. Peace.

BUH-WUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????

A. I am almost over this cold... i think.

B. I took the dog out today. I stepped outside, smelled warmth with a hint of baseball in the air and realized this:

SPRING IS HERE

Considering that WINTER is cold and flu season, and i have a cold, and winter only lasted like 4 days, i managed to beat the odds and get my cold in the shortest window of the season ever. Cwap. I have achieved the "INCONCEIVABLE!"

SportsNight... and day

A. Everyone here is getting sick... but that doesn't seem to be stopping us from hanging out... all the time. I love these people.

B. Chest and sinus congestion are my only symptoms. I am officially adding "Dayquil" to my list of inanimate friends. Congrats, Dayquil.

C. The Pens play at 3. I will be watching.

D. The Steelers play at 8... I don't even know what to think anymore. Of course I'll be watching.

E. The high temperature in Meadville last night was 29. That may actually be a record high for this time of year tho... i am not sure.

F. According to the little sis (who by virtue of being the age she is MUST know all about these things) "Zoey 101" star Jamie Lynn Spears (Britney's little preggers sister) was written off said Nickelodeon show this week. Apparently the people behind the show wrote, shot and produced the made-for-TV movie in a week so they wouldn't have to deal their star looking like a hippopotamus with a gland problem.

All reports From those under 20 years of age: it was sad.

Those over 20, on the other hand, cannot seem to stop laughing.

G. Speaking of The Mixed of Life of Miss's Basil E. Frank-Spears'... Britney and Jamie Lynn's mother was about to publish a book on how to raise well grounded, well rounded children. NO JOKE: The publisher put it on hold when soon to be mommy Jamie Lynn made her little announcement. Awesome. Two Spears are now in the "hot mess" category.

Thoughts of the Day

VS


Someone out there scolded me for not posting in a couple of weeks, and i'll be frank: i was surprised. Who knew anyone read this. Great. So, here are some thoughts.

A. Pittsburgh Magazine released its 25 most beautiful people list for the year: Daniel Sepulveda is on there. I am straighter than 79 North, but i agree with the people over at QED. Total man-crush.

B. My Dad has officially started trying to hook me up with the women that made the above mentioned list. Thanks Dad... but just lemme know when you figure out who Pittgirl is.

C. Speaking of which my "Pittgirl Says Drink" Sweatshirt came, and Miss Book got her t-shirt. Everything is right with the world for a moment.

D. Someone complained about all the Steelers posts from me, so I am happy to oblige our friends from Ohio: The Penguins are doing marvelously. Yes... I used the word Marvelous. We are, in fact, one point behind first place New Jersey. Suh-weet.

Malkin had a hat-trick last night, and even without those three goals, we would have won by a point. .






E. Did anyone watch the Winter Classic on New Years day? We did... an hour of pre-game, and the four hours of actual game. Amazing... winning on a Sid the Kid shoot0out goal. Awesomeness. I even had a Jersey fan tell me she liked Sidney. HAH!

What was up with the National Anthems tho? They Sang Canada's... my response: Uhm... DID Buffalo secede? I know it is a Canadian sport, but we are from the PA, (US) and the Sabres are from New York (US)... whatever Sid the Kid is a Canuck by origin, so I'll allow it.

So now it is time for the US National Anthem... "The Star Spangled Banner"... right?

WRONG! Apparently not in the NHL. They decided to sing "God Bless America." As good as this song may be, it is NOT the national anthem. I'm just saying...

F. I hope you got your free Sheetz coffee all day Christmas and new Years days.

G. Prediction of the Day: The Pirates will be one game over .500 this season. More to come on that prediction later.

H. Grades Were posted yesterday on WebAdvisor... let me clarify that... Yesterday... the 3rd of January. Finals ended when... the 18th of December? Thanks to the Mathbox, i passed astrophysics. Distribution #1: DONE.

Peace out, Gators.

I called this

So... i may call him Najeh "Davenpoop", but i have always liked the guy. We are a team that has to establish the run, and he is going to be part of that.




Carey Davis...? I have wanted to call him "the mini bus" since training camo... cause he moves like a smaller, less-mature Bettis... he just hasn't earned it yet. Don't get me wrong, he is no where NEAR the running back Jerome was... but he has potential. If you watched the game tonight, you know what i am talking about.

I have dibs on both of these nicknames. "Davenpoop" and "The Mini Bus (pending)."




p.s. taylor just intercepted and scored. i think we have the division.

A Western PA Christmas Carol

God rest yinz nebby gentlemans
let nuttin' yinz dismay
remember Christ yinz savior
was born on Christmas day
to save yinz all from Satan's Pahr
when yinz had gone astray
oh tidin's of comfort n'at
comfort n'at
oh tidin's of comfort n'at

Mastercard...

Pasta prima-vera at McKinley's Food court: $5.95

20oz Raspberry Iced Tea at McKinley's Food Court: $2.07

Calling Ron Simko your arch Nemesis to his face in front of a manager and one of his corporate bosses only to have him laugh as if you are joking... at McKinley's Food Court: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy... for everything else there is munch. (accepted wherever Sodexho overcharges Gators.)

Carbs Carbs Carbs

So, Gators...

Before break i was leaving lunch at Brooks one day with a few friends, and i saw my nemesis... Ronny Sim' on brooks walk between Reis and Ruter talking to a group of people in business suits. I have to assume they were either people he was trying to impress, or his superiors. Having just left Brooks, the reinstatement of the pasta bar was fresh on my mind.

"HEY RON!" i shouted, and waved. "THANKS FOR THE PASTA BAR! BUT THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL THE SAUCES TO BE RED! PUT SOME PESTO ON THERE!"

He waved, and chuckled in that way that says "oh yeah... one of those students with the 'nads to actually talk to me..."

No joke, Gators... there was pesto on the hot bar at lunch today.

Being out of Munch Money for McKinley's (gotta love that alliteration) I went to Brooks for dinner too... the main meal was spaghetti with meatballs. That is right... it wasn't at the pasta bar. At the pasta bar was... more pasta. Different pasta, yes. But how much pasta can we eat? I mean i love to carbo-load as much as the next person (maybe even more... freshmen year i was known to carbo-load before completing many a marathon-nap) but still... how many carbs can we consume?

I suppose i should just be happy that our Nemesis, Ronny Sim', and Sodexho are making any progress at all, but if i wasn't complaining i wouldn't really fit in at Allegheny. I guess the hippies are getting to me.

Titration Problems and Shakepeare Volumes ©

I went to the library to work on my comp yesterday (the thing is due to the print shop on Thursday... hence the lack of posting) and I chose the only free room of the new study rooms along the western wall of the renovated floor. After sitting in the room for an hour and a half i couldn't stand that how hot it was and, it figures, it was the only room without its own thermostat.

So i packed up to find a table somewhere in the main part of the library, but when i walked out it was like a house party. People were everywhere and there was the constant hum of excited conversation over titration problems and Shakespeare volumes or whatever nerds talk about in the library. Apparently they were all juiced up from free coffee at the library's "Wrecking Ball Cafe".


No joke, i couldn't find a work space anywhere, and the level of noise in that place was unbelievable. I ended up sitting at a table in the Campus Center just outside McKinley's and actually getting a ton of work done.

Today's Moral: If you would like a nerdy social experience, just meander over to the Library around 6:30pm... there will be coffee, cookies and laughs-a-plenty for nerdy kids who aren't pretentious enough to talk about the world's unsolved problems whilst sipping cappuccino over at GFC.

IIIIIIIIIIIT'S BAAAAAAACK!... sort of

Ok, Gators... here is the deal:

For all you underclassmen, you won't remember the joys of the hot bar. Years ago, whence your now-seniors were but freshmen Babies wandering around all bewildered asking questions like "which one is Quigley?" and "does Ravine actually exist?" (i assure you, it does), Brooks dining hall was not the waste of $14 a meal that it is today. (do the math, depending on your meal plan it may be as much as 17 dollars a swipe).

In those days there was always something to eat at dinner... a GOOD salad bar that didn't just have dead-looking wilted leaves, pizza every night, pastas and several sauces... and yes... we still complained.

Anyway... the crowning jewel of the Brooks of the day was the Hot Bar. One half of what is now the deli bar and the salad bar was the Hot Bar... a bar of hot dishes filled with pasta, bread sticks, macaroni and cheese, casserole, soups, sauces, chili... almost anything you could imagine. it was glorious.

It is back... sort of. Today i was walking by the pizza station when i looked to the left and saw... a pasta bar. That is right, two different types of pasta, and four sauces. Now... as per usual with me, i was annoyed that all four sauces were red. How many red sauces can there be? That much was foolish, but as far as having a pasta bar back? That is a huge step in the right direction.

I guess Sodexho and our nemesis, Ronny Sim', are getting nervous with all this talk of getting kicked off campus. So, for the time being... this is a step in the right direction... just in time for some of us to move on...

Some Long Overdue Holland Quotes

So i was looking over my notes, and it has been a very long time since i gave you ghetors some more of Holland's best.

1. "She is the goddess of beer goggles... helping unattractive people have sex since 1847."

2. (While validating a students question about the origins of ancient creation stories) "...Yeah! Who makes all this shit up?"

3. Student: "Why did this religion die out to monotheism?"
Holland: "Well... yeah. They (monotheists) had bigger swords."

4. "you will notice in these carvings that the Egyptian dancers are not fully attired by our standards... although i suppose taht depends on the type of music you like."

5. (This one is a classic from Holland, a line he uses at least once a week) "Creation stories can explain how things got to be the way that they are now... like why life sucks and then you die."

6. "People groups used to refer to themselves, in thier own languages, as 'the people'. That was the problem when the Europeans here; they would meet a group of people and say 'who are you?' and the y would say 'we are 'the people', and the nezxt people over, they are the 'shitheads,'' and then the Europeans would climb the next hill and yell, 'HAIL SHITHEADS!" and then get shot."

7. "Dingu is Sumerian for 'god'... so i guess the gods ate your baby."

8. "Ok... it's time to start listing some Syrian ass-kickers."

9. "... so it become Shamuti vs. Sha-muti... which is a song from The Music Man sung by Buddy Hackett."

10. (On the say we discussed mesopotamian errotic poetry, as a student returns from the restroom) "Oh Good! You are back in time for the dirty stuff."

11. "'Bizzurk is Skandanavian for 'one who wears bearskins' beacause that was back when they wore bearskins, before they founded ABBA and decided to afflict the world in another way."

12. (describing a myth about gods battling) "...Beastmaster nv. human leader! MANIA IN MESOPOTAMIA!... sorry, too much coffee today."

13. "So Samson catches a bunch of foxes ties their tails together with a torch inbetween to burn down the field. One of the stupidest stories in the Bible... try this, i have done it at home, get a couple of foxes, tie thier tails together and put a lit torch in the middle: They don't run side by side, they run away from each other, and the torch stands straight up, until it falls over and one of the fozes burns to death. Come on... either that or they maul you to death... and tha tis why I don't have a brother anymore."

14. "What is the name of the ani-christ in the Left Behind series? Like 'Malevolent Evil Bastardo'? Yeah... those guys are really subtle."

15. (Discussing how it is rare for beliefs to not be applicable to real life) "Some of these gods are crazy, and if you stirr your coffee with your fork it will snow orange in Oldenberg Ohio... a lot of people don't know that."


Alright... that is all for now. I have some more to sift through, and know that Professor Holland is talking about Judeo-Chrisitian beliefs he is really on a roll.

A Jaunt on the Bus

Allegheny runs what is commonly known as "the loop" on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights so that students may easily get to and from town (cough) without driving themselves, or wandering through Meadville yards. (cough, cough).

So i get on the bus this past Saturday night, after a full day of comping, and spending some time in the CC watching people scarfing hot wings for charity (don't say we're not classy... it was for charity). The old man who was driving the bus is not the same guy who used to take a couple friends and me down to McDonald's after dropping off the drunks at the corner of Park and Chestnut.

First of all... when i got on the bus at Main and Brooks Walk, i think i woke him up as he sat at the stop idling.

Second. He says "i have to wait here about 10 minutes..." as if to say "you may want to find another means of conveyance." Then, after a solid 45 seconds, he took off.

Third. Every turn he took was waaaaaay too tight. I thought i was going to die about five times. One of the times, i actually got out of my seat on the left side of the bus, and moved to the right side of the bus because it looked like he was going to clip a Hummer wit the left side, and... lets face it Gators... nothing wins a collision with a Hummer.

Fourth. When he got to Sherman street, he slowed (on that long straight-away) to a good five miles an hour... evidently because the street is long, and straight and driving at a normal speed would not be fun there.

Fifth. I was the ONLY person on the bus, since i am basically an old man myself, and don't go out very late, and when we got to the corner of Chestnut and Park, he opened the doors. And stared at me.

"i'm getting off at the next stop," I said.

"What next stop?" he asked.

"The Penny Bar." I said.

"The what?"

"The Other Place."

"What is that?... OH! Do you mean 'The Penny Bar?'"

I fought every sardonic desire to say "'The Penny Bar isn't exACTly what i meant by 'The Penny Bar', but it will have to do..." and i just went with "Yes sir."

So we drive the rest of "the loop" to TPB and when he got there he not only drive right past, but drove through the stop sign at the corner of the two alleys. (In his defense, the stop sign there is new, and posted high on a telephone poll, and kind of awkward. You would have to see it to understand.) So he slammed on the breaks half-way into that 'intersection' (if you can even call it an intersection) and then gunned the engine again.

By this time i was standing, and praying, and all i could muster vocally was "ugghhhhh...!"

He stopped the bus again, looked at me and said "OH! I'm sorry! I fogot!" Now, we are not sure if he forgot i was going to TPB, or forgot the stop sign, or forgot that i was even on the bus (i was very quiet) but i was at the bus door by this time, so he opened it.

"Last run is at midnight!" he exlaimed in a jolly tone.

"Midnight...??" i asked, turning as the doors were closing, worried that the bus would stop a good 2 and half hours before the bars closed for the night.

"OH! Two o'clock...!" was all i could make of his reply, since not only were the doors closing as he talked to me, but the bus had already begun to take off again.

After meeting some friends at TPB, i just walked home.

Where are you now gators?

So i don't post for a couple weeks because of that thing we seniors have to do called a "comp."

Now I take some time out of not only my designated "comp time" but also out of my Saturday to post, and not a word from anyone. Where'd you guys go?

Also, at jimmy's this weekend, i was informed that i have another reader out there. That makes a total of six, i believe. The Ghetor Army begins. Sweet.

So i am torn... no emails since i came back, and yet i hear that someone in alumni affairs was spreading the word about this blog. It evens out. The game is on. See you later, Ghetors.

Exactly what i was thinking...

Steely McSuckface is nothing short of a giant sucky embarrassment. Maybe i am just bitter because i KNOW that my entry (Steely Stan) was WAY better than "Steely McBeam"... but i don't think i am alone in wishing he would spontaneously combust near Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick, taking all three out in one fell swoop.

However, i could not have said it better than this:

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

The Campus (Allegheny's contribution to the world of journalism) recently did an article on how difficult this institution is, citing lots of online sources, and college review books. Basically what the article was saying is that Allegheny is consistently rated not only as one of the most challenging institutions of higher learning in America, but also as one of the most demanding as far as lab time and out of class time. In short, Allegheny really is "the place where you are busier than everyone who is busier than you."

So you can imagine my surprise when the following happened: i was studying at the Library (as i usually am constitutionally against doing). It was saturday, at 5:3o in the afternoon or evening, (depending on whether you are are a college student or my grandparents).

A loud bell rang, and seeing no one fleeing as if it were a fire alarm, i simple turned the ipod up, and right on researching the Beatles (yeah... be a communication arts major: it rocks).

20 minutes later the same bell rang again, and a student worker came around to each table and work station with a little message. I listened as she got to the table next to me... it went something like this:

"Hi... yeah... how ya doing. Great. We know that this college not only is one of the most academically demanding institutions on the eastern seaboard, if not in the whole country, but that the college LOVES that image, but uh... yeah... it is 6:00 on Saturday, and we would like to respectfully ask that you cease and desist with this "studying", and go drink. We close at 6:00 on Friday and Saturday because those are nights to drink. Please do you collegiate duty and go get wasted. Thanks. We're the library."

She didn't even get to my table... i just glared at her, and she got the message, much as an annoying baby gazelle gets the message from the glare of a lounging Lion that says, i don't really feel like destroying you, but if you get any closer i will... just on principle."

So there ya go. I guess my library time is over until 11:00 tomorrow morning. Now... to find a place to study...