Carbs Carbs Carbs

So, Gators...

Before break i was leaving lunch at Brooks one day with a few friends, and i saw my nemesis... Ronny Sim' on brooks walk between Reis and Ruter talking to a group of people in business suits. I have to assume they were either people he was trying to impress, or his superiors. Having just left Brooks, the reinstatement of the pasta bar was fresh on my mind.

"HEY RON!" i shouted, and waved. "THANKS FOR THE PASTA BAR! BUT THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL THE SAUCES TO BE RED! PUT SOME PESTO ON THERE!"

He waved, and chuckled in that way that says "oh yeah... one of those students with the 'nads to actually talk to me..."

No joke, Gators... there was pesto on the hot bar at lunch today.

Being out of Munch Money for McKinley's (gotta love that alliteration) I went to Brooks for dinner too... the main meal was spaghetti with meatballs. That is right... it wasn't at the pasta bar. At the pasta bar was... more pasta. Different pasta, yes. But how much pasta can we eat? I mean i love to carbo-load as much as the next person (maybe even more... freshmen year i was known to carbo-load before completing many a marathon-nap) but still... how many carbs can we consume?

I suppose i should just be happy that our Nemesis, Ronny Sim', and Sodexho are making any progress at all, but if i wasn't complaining i wouldn't really fit in at Allegheny. I guess the hippies are getting to me.

Titration Problems and Shakepeare Volumes ©

I went to the library to work on my comp yesterday (the thing is due to the print shop on Thursday... hence the lack of posting) and I chose the only free room of the new study rooms along the western wall of the renovated floor. After sitting in the room for an hour and a half i couldn't stand that how hot it was and, it figures, it was the only room without its own thermostat.

So i packed up to find a table somewhere in the main part of the library, but when i walked out it was like a house party. People were everywhere and there was the constant hum of excited conversation over titration problems and Shakespeare volumes or whatever nerds talk about in the library. Apparently they were all juiced up from free coffee at the library's "Wrecking Ball Cafe".


No joke, i couldn't find a work space anywhere, and the level of noise in that place was unbelievable. I ended up sitting at a table in the Campus Center just outside McKinley's and actually getting a ton of work done.

Today's Moral: If you would like a nerdy social experience, just meander over to the Library around 6:30pm... there will be coffee, cookies and laughs-a-plenty for nerdy kids who aren't pretentious enough to talk about the world's unsolved problems whilst sipping cappuccino over at GFC.

IIIIIIIIIIIT'S BAAAAAAACK!... sort of

Ok, Gators... here is the deal:

For all you underclassmen, you won't remember the joys of the hot bar. Years ago, whence your now-seniors were but freshmen Babies wandering around all bewildered asking questions like "which one is Quigley?" and "does Ravine actually exist?" (i assure you, it does), Brooks dining hall was not the waste of $14 a meal that it is today. (do the math, depending on your meal plan it may be as much as 17 dollars a swipe).

In those days there was always something to eat at dinner... a GOOD salad bar that didn't just have dead-looking wilted leaves, pizza every night, pastas and several sauces... and yes... we still complained.

Anyway... the crowning jewel of the Brooks of the day was the Hot Bar. One half of what is now the deli bar and the salad bar was the Hot Bar... a bar of hot dishes filled with pasta, bread sticks, macaroni and cheese, casserole, soups, sauces, chili... almost anything you could imagine. it was glorious.

It is back... sort of. Today i was walking by the pizza station when i looked to the left and saw... a pasta bar. That is right, two different types of pasta, and four sauces. Now... as per usual with me, i was annoyed that all four sauces were red. How many red sauces can there be? That much was foolish, but as far as having a pasta bar back? That is a huge step in the right direction.

I guess Sodexho and our nemesis, Ronny Sim', are getting nervous with all this talk of getting kicked off campus. So, for the time being... this is a step in the right direction... just in time for some of us to move on...

Some Long Overdue Holland Quotes

So i was looking over my notes, and it has been a very long time since i gave you ghetors some more of Holland's best.

1. "She is the goddess of beer goggles... helping unattractive people have sex since 1847."

2. (While validating a students question about the origins of ancient creation stories) "...Yeah! Who makes all this shit up?"

3. Student: "Why did this religion die out to monotheism?"
Holland: "Well... yeah. They (monotheists) had bigger swords."

4. "you will notice in these carvings that the Egyptian dancers are not fully attired by our standards... although i suppose taht depends on the type of music you like."

5. (This one is a classic from Holland, a line he uses at least once a week) "Creation stories can explain how things got to be the way that they are now... like why life sucks and then you die."

6. "People groups used to refer to themselves, in thier own languages, as 'the people'. That was the problem when the Europeans here; they would meet a group of people and say 'who are you?' and the y would say 'we are 'the people', and the nezxt people over, they are the 'shitheads,'' and then the Europeans would climb the next hill and yell, 'HAIL SHITHEADS!" and then get shot."

7. "Dingu is Sumerian for 'god'... so i guess the gods ate your baby."

8. "Ok... it's time to start listing some Syrian ass-kickers."

9. "... so it become Shamuti vs. Sha-muti... which is a song from The Music Man sung by Buddy Hackett."

10. (On the say we discussed mesopotamian errotic poetry, as a student returns from the restroom) "Oh Good! You are back in time for the dirty stuff."

11. "'Bizzurk is Skandanavian for 'one who wears bearskins' beacause that was back when they wore bearskins, before they founded ABBA and decided to afflict the world in another way."

12. (describing a myth about gods battling) "...Beastmaster nv. human leader! MANIA IN MESOPOTAMIA!... sorry, too much coffee today."

13. "So Samson catches a bunch of foxes ties their tails together with a torch inbetween to burn down the field. One of the stupidest stories in the Bible... try this, i have done it at home, get a couple of foxes, tie thier tails together and put a lit torch in the middle: They don't run side by side, they run away from each other, and the torch stands straight up, until it falls over and one of the fozes burns to death. Come on... either that or they maul you to death... and tha tis why I don't have a brother anymore."

14. "What is the name of the ani-christ in the Left Behind series? Like 'Malevolent Evil Bastardo'? Yeah... those guys are really subtle."

15. (Discussing how it is rare for beliefs to not be applicable to real life) "Some of these gods are crazy, and if you stirr your coffee with your fork it will snow orange in Oldenberg Ohio... a lot of people don't know that."


Alright... that is all for now. I have some more to sift through, and know that Professor Holland is talking about Judeo-Chrisitian beliefs he is really on a roll.

A Jaunt on the Bus

Allegheny runs what is commonly known as "the loop" on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights so that students may easily get to and from town (cough) without driving themselves, or wandering through Meadville yards. (cough, cough).

So i get on the bus this past Saturday night, after a full day of comping, and spending some time in the CC watching people scarfing hot wings for charity (don't say we're not classy... it was for charity). The old man who was driving the bus is not the same guy who used to take a couple friends and me down to McDonald's after dropping off the drunks at the corner of Park and Chestnut.

First of all... when i got on the bus at Main and Brooks Walk, i think i woke him up as he sat at the stop idling.

Second. He says "i have to wait here about 10 minutes..." as if to say "you may want to find another means of conveyance." Then, after a solid 45 seconds, he took off.

Third. Every turn he took was waaaaaay too tight. I thought i was going to die about five times. One of the times, i actually got out of my seat on the left side of the bus, and moved to the right side of the bus because it looked like he was going to clip a Hummer wit the left side, and... lets face it Gators... nothing wins a collision with a Hummer.

Fourth. When he got to Sherman street, he slowed (on that long straight-away) to a good five miles an hour... evidently because the street is long, and straight and driving at a normal speed would not be fun there.

Fifth. I was the ONLY person on the bus, since i am basically an old man myself, and don't go out very late, and when we got to the corner of Chestnut and Park, he opened the doors. And stared at me.

"i'm getting off at the next stop," I said.

"What next stop?" he asked.

"The Penny Bar." I said.

"The what?"

"The Other Place."

"What is that?... OH! Do you mean 'The Penny Bar?'"

I fought every sardonic desire to say "'The Penny Bar isn't exACTly what i meant by 'The Penny Bar', but it will have to do..." and i just went with "Yes sir."

So we drive the rest of "the loop" to TPB and when he got there he not only drive right past, but drove through the stop sign at the corner of the two alleys. (In his defense, the stop sign there is new, and posted high on a telephone poll, and kind of awkward. You would have to see it to understand.) So he slammed on the breaks half-way into that 'intersection' (if you can even call it an intersection) and then gunned the engine again.

By this time i was standing, and praying, and all i could muster vocally was "ugghhhhh...!"

He stopped the bus again, looked at me and said "OH! I'm sorry! I fogot!" Now, we are not sure if he forgot i was going to TPB, or forgot the stop sign, or forgot that i was even on the bus (i was very quiet) but i was at the bus door by this time, so he opened it.

"Last run is at midnight!" he exlaimed in a jolly tone.

"Midnight...??" i asked, turning as the doors were closing, worried that the bus would stop a good 2 and half hours before the bars closed for the night.

"OH! Two o'clock...!" was all i could make of his reply, since not only were the doors closing as he talked to me, but the bus had already begun to take off again.

After meeting some friends at TPB, i just walked home.

Where are you now gators?

So i don't post for a couple weeks because of that thing we seniors have to do called a "comp."

Now I take some time out of not only my designated "comp time" but also out of my Saturday to post, and not a word from anyone. Where'd you guys go?

Also, at jimmy's this weekend, i was informed that i have another reader out there. That makes a total of six, i believe. The Ghetor Army begins. Sweet.

So i am torn... no emails since i came back, and yet i hear that someone in alumni affairs was spreading the word about this blog. It evens out. The game is on. See you later, Ghetors.

Exactly what i was thinking...

Steely McSuckface is nothing short of a giant sucky embarrassment. Maybe i am just bitter because i KNOW that my entry (Steely Stan) was WAY better than "Steely McBeam"... but i don't think i am alone in wishing he would spontaneously combust near Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick, taking all three out in one fell swoop.

However, i could not have said it better than this:

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

The Campus (Allegheny's contribution to the world of journalism) recently did an article on how difficult this institution is, citing lots of online sources, and college review books. Basically what the article was saying is that Allegheny is consistently rated not only as one of the most challenging institutions of higher learning in America, but also as one of the most demanding as far as lab time and out of class time. In short, Allegheny really is "the place where you are busier than everyone who is busier than you."

So you can imagine my surprise when the following happened: i was studying at the Library (as i usually am constitutionally against doing). It was saturday, at 5:3o in the afternoon or evening, (depending on whether you are are a college student or my grandparents).

A loud bell rang, and seeing no one fleeing as if it were a fire alarm, i simple turned the ipod up, and right on researching the Beatles (yeah... be a communication arts major: it rocks).

20 minutes later the same bell rang again, and a student worker came around to each table and work station with a little message. I listened as she got to the table next to me... it went something like this:

"Hi... yeah... how ya doing. Great. We know that this college not only is one of the most academically demanding institutions on the eastern seaboard, if not in the whole country, but that the college LOVES that image, but uh... yeah... it is 6:00 on Saturday, and we would like to respectfully ask that you cease and desist with this "studying", and go drink. We close at 6:00 on Friday and Saturday because those are nights to drink. Please do you collegiate duty and go get wasted. Thanks. We're the library."

She didn't even get to my table... i just glared at her, and she got the message, much as an annoying baby gazelle gets the message from the glare of a lounging Lion that says, i don't really feel like destroying you, but if you get any closer i will... just on principle."

So there ya go. I guess my library time is over until 11:00 tomorrow morning. Now... to find a place to study...