I called this

So... i may call him Najeh "Davenpoop", but i have always liked the guy. We are a team that has to establish the run, and he is going to be part of that.




Carey Davis...? I have wanted to call him "the mini bus" since training camo... cause he moves like a smaller, less-mature Bettis... he just hasn't earned it yet. Don't get me wrong, he is no where NEAR the running back Jerome was... but he has potential. If you watched the game tonight, you know what i am talking about.

I have dibs on both of these nicknames. "Davenpoop" and "The Mini Bus (pending)."




p.s. taylor just intercepted and scored. i think we have the division.

A Western PA Christmas Carol

God rest yinz nebby gentlemans
let nuttin' yinz dismay
remember Christ yinz savior
was born on Christmas day
to save yinz all from Satan's Pahr
when yinz had gone astray
oh tidin's of comfort n'at
comfort n'at
oh tidin's of comfort n'at

Mastercard...

Pasta prima-vera at McKinley's Food court: $5.95

20oz Raspberry Iced Tea at McKinley's Food Court: $2.07

Calling Ron Simko your arch Nemesis to his face in front of a manager and one of his corporate bosses only to have him laugh as if you are joking... at McKinley's Food Court: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy... for everything else there is munch. (accepted wherever Sodexho overcharges Gators.)

Carbs Carbs Carbs

So, Gators...

Before break i was leaving lunch at Brooks one day with a few friends, and i saw my nemesis... Ronny Sim' on brooks walk between Reis and Ruter talking to a group of people in business suits. I have to assume they were either people he was trying to impress, or his superiors. Having just left Brooks, the reinstatement of the pasta bar was fresh on my mind.

"HEY RON!" i shouted, and waved. "THANKS FOR THE PASTA BAR! BUT THERE IS NO REASON FOR ALL THE SAUCES TO BE RED! PUT SOME PESTO ON THERE!"

He waved, and chuckled in that way that says "oh yeah... one of those students with the 'nads to actually talk to me..."

No joke, Gators... there was pesto on the hot bar at lunch today.

Being out of Munch Money for McKinley's (gotta love that alliteration) I went to Brooks for dinner too... the main meal was spaghetti with meatballs. That is right... it wasn't at the pasta bar. At the pasta bar was... more pasta. Different pasta, yes. But how much pasta can we eat? I mean i love to carbo-load as much as the next person (maybe even more... freshmen year i was known to carbo-load before completing many a marathon-nap) but still... how many carbs can we consume?

I suppose i should just be happy that our Nemesis, Ronny Sim', and Sodexho are making any progress at all, but if i wasn't complaining i wouldn't really fit in at Allegheny. I guess the hippies are getting to me.

Titration Problems and Shakepeare Volumes ©

I went to the library to work on my comp yesterday (the thing is due to the print shop on Thursday... hence the lack of posting) and I chose the only free room of the new study rooms along the western wall of the renovated floor. After sitting in the room for an hour and a half i couldn't stand that how hot it was and, it figures, it was the only room without its own thermostat.

So i packed up to find a table somewhere in the main part of the library, but when i walked out it was like a house party. People were everywhere and there was the constant hum of excited conversation over titration problems and Shakespeare volumes or whatever nerds talk about in the library. Apparently they were all juiced up from free coffee at the library's "Wrecking Ball Cafe".


No joke, i couldn't find a work space anywhere, and the level of noise in that place was unbelievable. I ended up sitting at a table in the Campus Center just outside McKinley's and actually getting a ton of work done.

Today's Moral: If you would like a nerdy social experience, just meander over to the Library around 6:30pm... there will be coffee, cookies and laughs-a-plenty for nerdy kids who aren't pretentious enough to talk about the world's unsolved problems whilst sipping cappuccino over at GFC.

IIIIIIIIIIIT'S BAAAAAAACK!... sort of

Ok, Gators... here is the deal:

For all you underclassmen, you won't remember the joys of the hot bar. Years ago, whence your now-seniors were but freshmen Babies wandering around all bewildered asking questions like "which one is Quigley?" and "does Ravine actually exist?" (i assure you, it does), Brooks dining hall was not the waste of $14 a meal that it is today. (do the math, depending on your meal plan it may be as much as 17 dollars a swipe).

In those days there was always something to eat at dinner... a GOOD salad bar that didn't just have dead-looking wilted leaves, pizza every night, pastas and several sauces... and yes... we still complained.

Anyway... the crowning jewel of the Brooks of the day was the Hot Bar. One half of what is now the deli bar and the salad bar was the Hot Bar... a bar of hot dishes filled with pasta, bread sticks, macaroni and cheese, casserole, soups, sauces, chili... almost anything you could imagine. it was glorious.

It is back... sort of. Today i was walking by the pizza station when i looked to the left and saw... a pasta bar. That is right, two different types of pasta, and four sauces. Now... as per usual with me, i was annoyed that all four sauces were red. How many red sauces can there be? That much was foolish, but as far as having a pasta bar back? That is a huge step in the right direction.

I guess Sodexho and our nemesis, Ronny Sim', are getting nervous with all this talk of getting kicked off campus. So, for the time being... this is a step in the right direction... just in time for some of us to move on...

Some Long Overdue Holland Quotes

So i was looking over my notes, and it has been a very long time since i gave you ghetors some more of Holland's best.

1. "She is the goddess of beer goggles... helping unattractive people have sex since 1847."

2. (While validating a students question about the origins of ancient creation stories) "...Yeah! Who makes all this shit up?"

3. Student: "Why did this religion die out to monotheism?"
Holland: "Well... yeah. They (monotheists) had bigger swords."

4. "you will notice in these carvings that the Egyptian dancers are not fully attired by our standards... although i suppose taht depends on the type of music you like."

5. (This one is a classic from Holland, a line he uses at least once a week) "Creation stories can explain how things got to be the way that they are now... like why life sucks and then you die."

6. "People groups used to refer to themselves, in thier own languages, as 'the people'. That was the problem when the Europeans here; they would meet a group of people and say 'who are you?' and the y would say 'we are 'the people', and the nezxt people over, they are the 'shitheads,'' and then the Europeans would climb the next hill and yell, 'HAIL SHITHEADS!" and then get shot."

7. "Dingu is Sumerian for 'god'... so i guess the gods ate your baby."

8. "Ok... it's time to start listing some Syrian ass-kickers."

9. "... so it become Shamuti vs. Sha-muti... which is a song from The Music Man sung by Buddy Hackett."

10. (On the say we discussed mesopotamian errotic poetry, as a student returns from the restroom) "Oh Good! You are back in time for the dirty stuff."

11. "'Bizzurk is Skandanavian for 'one who wears bearskins' beacause that was back when they wore bearskins, before they founded ABBA and decided to afflict the world in another way."

12. (describing a myth about gods battling) "...Beastmaster nv. human leader! MANIA IN MESOPOTAMIA!... sorry, too much coffee today."

13. "So Samson catches a bunch of foxes ties their tails together with a torch inbetween to burn down the field. One of the stupidest stories in the Bible... try this, i have done it at home, get a couple of foxes, tie thier tails together and put a lit torch in the middle: They don't run side by side, they run away from each other, and the torch stands straight up, until it falls over and one of the fozes burns to death. Come on... either that or they maul you to death... and tha tis why I don't have a brother anymore."

14. "What is the name of the ani-christ in the Left Behind series? Like 'Malevolent Evil Bastardo'? Yeah... those guys are really subtle."

15. (Discussing how it is rare for beliefs to not be applicable to real life) "Some of these gods are crazy, and if you stirr your coffee with your fork it will snow orange in Oldenberg Ohio... a lot of people don't know that."


Alright... that is all for now. I have some more to sift through, and know that Professor Holland is talking about Judeo-Chrisitian beliefs he is really on a roll.

A Jaunt on the Bus

Allegheny runs what is commonly known as "the loop" on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights so that students may easily get to and from town (cough) without driving themselves, or wandering through Meadville yards. (cough, cough).

So i get on the bus this past Saturday night, after a full day of comping, and spending some time in the CC watching people scarfing hot wings for charity (don't say we're not classy... it was for charity). The old man who was driving the bus is not the same guy who used to take a couple friends and me down to McDonald's after dropping off the drunks at the corner of Park and Chestnut.

First of all... when i got on the bus at Main and Brooks Walk, i think i woke him up as he sat at the stop idling.

Second. He says "i have to wait here about 10 minutes..." as if to say "you may want to find another means of conveyance." Then, after a solid 45 seconds, he took off.

Third. Every turn he took was waaaaaay too tight. I thought i was going to die about five times. One of the times, i actually got out of my seat on the left side of the bus, and moved to the right side of the bus because it looked like he was going to clip a Hummer wit the left side, and... lets face it Gators... nothing wins a collision with a Hummer.

Fourth. When he got to Sherman street, he slowed (on that long straight-away) to a good five miles an hour... evidently because the street is long, and straight and driving at a normal speed would not be fun there.

Fifth. I was the ONLY person on the bus, since i am basically an old man myself, and don't go out very late, and when we got to the corner of Chestnut and Park, he opened the doors. And stared at me.

"i'm getting off at the next stop," I said.

"What next stop?" he asked.

"The Penny Bar." I said.

"The what?"

"The Other Place."

"What is that?... OH! Do you mean 'The Penny Bar?'"

I fought every sardonic desire to say "'The Penny Bar isn't exACTly what i meant by 'The Penny Bar', but it will have to do..." and i just went with "Yes sir."

So we drive the rest of "the loop" to TPB and when he got there he not only drive right past, but drove through the stop sign at the corner of the two alleys. (In his defense, the stop sign there is new, and posted high on a telephone poll, and kind of awkward. You would have to see it to understand.) So he slammed on the breaks half-way into that 'intersection' (if you can even call it an intersection) and then gunned the engine again.

By this time i was standing, and praying, and all i could muster vocally was "ugghhhhh...!"

He stopped the bus again, looked at me and said "OH! I'm sorry! I fogot!" Now, we are not sure if he forgot i was going to TPB, or forgot the stop sign, or forgot that i was even on the bus (i was very quiet) but i was at the bus door by this time, so he opened it.

"Last run is at midnight!" he exlaimed in a jolly tone.

"Midnight...??" i asked, turning as the doors were closing, worried that the bus would stop a good 2 and half hours before the bars closed for the night.

"OH! Two o'clock...!" was all i could make of his reply, since not only were the doors closing as he talked to me, but the bus had already begun to take off again.

After meeting some friends at TPB, i just walked home.

Where are you now gators?

So i don't post for a couple weeks because of that thing we seniors have to do called a "comp."

Now I take some time out of not only my designated "comp time" but also out of my Saturday to post, and not a word from anyone. Where'd you guys go?

Also, at jimmy's this weekend, i was informed that i have another reader out there. That makes a total of six, i believe. The Ghetor Army begins. Sweet.

So i am torn... no emails since i came back, and yet i hear that someone in alumni affairs was spreading the word about this blog. It evens out. The game is on. See you later, Ghetors.

Exactly what i was thinking...

Steely McSuckface is nothing short of a giant sucky embarrassment. Maybe i am just bitter because i KNOW that my entry (Steely Stan) was WAY better than "Steely McBeam"... but i don't think i am alone in wishing he would spontaneously combust near Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick, taking all three out in one fell swoop.

However, i could not have said it better than this:

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

The Campus (Allegheny's contribution to the world of journalism) recently did an article on how difficult this institution is, citing lots of online sources, and college review books. Basically what the article was saying is that Allegheny is consistently rated not only as one of the most challenging institutions of higher learning in America, but also as one of the most demanding as far as lab time and out of class time. In short, Allegheny really is "the place where you are busier than everyone who is busier than you."

So you can imagine my surprise when the following happened: i was studying at the Library (as i usually am constitutionally against doing). It was saturday, at 5:3o in the afternoon or evening, (depending on whether you are are a college student or my grandparents).

A loud bell rang, and seeing no one fleeing as if it were a fire alarm, i simple turned the ipod up, and right on researching the Beatles (yeah... be a communication arts major: it rocks).

20 minutes later the same bell rang again, and a student worker came around to each table and work station with a little message. I listened as she got to the table next to me... it went something like this:

"Hi... yeah... how ya doing. Great. We know that this college not only is one of the most academically demanding institutions on the eastern seaboard, if not in the whole country, but that the college LOVES that image, but uh... yeah... it is 6:00 on Saturday, and we would like to respectfully ask that you cease and desist with this "studying", and go drink. We close at 6:00 on Friday and Saturday because those are nights to drink. Please do you collegiate duty and go get wasted. Thanks. We're the library."

She didn't even get to my table... i just glared at her, and she got the message, much as an annoying baby gazelle gets the message from the glare of a lounging Lion that says, i don't really feel like destroying you, but if you get any closer i will... just on principle."

So there ya go. I guess my library time is over until 11:00 tomorrow morning. Now... to find a place to study...

what was that hiatus?

Sorry about the long break since the last post. i didn't realize anyone actually read the crap i put on here until a friend informed that he/she had taken the link out of his/her favorites. I apologize.

Anyway... some stuff has happened in my life, and it is time i posted it.

Last week i snagged a sick parking spot... right next my building. You will recall that there were more passes issued for our lot than there are total parking spaces in the lot... so I find this awesome spot, and like the normal person i am, i refuse to move my car until i absolutely have to.

So after several days i went to get something out of my car, only to find something strange in front of my vehicle: A HANDICAPPED PARKING SIGN!

Apparently that afternoon the space i was occupying had been designated a handicapped spot. So i marched down to security and inquired about this little surprise. I was informed that if i did not move my car by that night, i would be receiving a significant ticket for parking in a handicapped spot.

I brought it to their attention that i had not parked in a handicapped spot, i had parked in a regular spot. They had deemed it a handicapped spot that afternoon. They didn't seem to care. So i was forced to move my car.

I am happy to report that the spot is currently being used by someone with a handicapped sticker (not happy they are handicapped, but happy the space is being used)... but i still think it is a dumb place for the spot. To make use of the spot one must have both a green sticker (for the green lot) and a handicapped sticker (for the space). It would seem much more logical to put the handicapped space in the universal lot that is not only larger, but doesn't require the green sticker. Whatever... i should not expect that kind of logic from this place this late in my college career.

Steely McFORTDAYS

Steely MecBeam was at Fort Days. He marched in the parade. It was creepy. When he got to where i was sitting, i stood, took a deep breath, and yelled "GO STILLERS!" in my best effort at true pittsburghese. Then he looked at me, pounded his chest with his fist and pointed... all the time with that creepy-ass smile. I then yelled... "I AM CALLING YOU STEELY STAN! STOP BEING SUCH A CREEPER!"

I was trying to take a picture of him, but somone text messaged me, and it messed up the photo attempt on my camera... THIS is what i got:

Sighs

a. If you saw a guy in a black station wagon screaming all the lyrics to everything on DVE and "BobFM"... i saw him too. What a dork.

b.I drove through the one, the only... the Burgh today. sigh. Meadville just does NOT compare.

c. An attractive girl with curly hair passed me on 579 right by the Arena today... she was listening to NKOTB. Pretty sure that doubles the odds it was Pittgirl. sigh, again.

d. Traffic at the Squirrel Hill Tunnels was not all backed up at 4:00. Is this the way it has been recently? I almost felt like i was in a foreign land. sigh.

e. The office was great tonight. Pam... SIGH! I don't even know where to begin.

f. Fort Ligonier Days starts tomorrow. Everyone should go to Ligonier. Deep fried oreos... sigh.

g. Oh yeah... the sweaters are out... FINALLY! Sigh.

A meeting with our President, Dr. Richard Cook, and some notes

1. While I was walking by the Gatorden (the on campus 24-hour computer lab) I ran into President Cook, and talked to him for about 10 minutes. At what other institution do students regularly shoot the breeze with the Prez? Awesome. As we were parting ways, he reached into his pocket, handed me a pin with the school seal on it and said "You should have this: wear it with pride." Awesomeness personified.




2. This guy is awesome. Yes... that is a Steelers Hard Hat. On a construction worker. At the Vuk. Sweet.

















3. They started pouring concrete for the floors of the Vuk. Hooray. This posting is an example of me trying to get over my bitterness for seeing the place go up in my back yard, and never getting to use it.

WHAT?

A friend of mine sent me this yesterday...shudder. I didn't know preying mantises could do this. I am officially freaked out. I sent Pittgirl the link: her response was simply "HOLY SHIT!". Not sure I can comment better than that, except maybe to say that dingos eating our babies might not be the only thing we have to look out for.

Dearest Ron,

This weekend, I found myself (as i so often do) hungry as a result of not eating in several hours. I took a jaunt over to McKinley food court, the self-proclaimed staple of variety for us Gators, in search of some food.

I walked in and, as usual, there were few options, seeing as it was the weekend. I surveyed my options: The Deli Line is almost always the same, and the grill was it's usual greasy and overcooked self. I went over the salad line to consider a healthy option since I could stand to be in better shape, but there was nothing enticing or special there either.

It was then that i turned to my last option, my Obi Wan Kenobi... My Only Hope: International. It was there that i saw "Buffalo Chicken Salad." I stared at it blankly. Was that the word Salad? I turned back to the Salad line to see if i was mistaken. Maybe i had misread something moments ago.... maybe i was going crazy!

Further investigation would show that i was NOT crazy. You did, in fact, serve Salad at one line and Buffalo Chicken SALAD at another! What is the deal Ron? There was nothing different about the BCS at international except that they threw some chucks of chicken on it, and a special sauce... By the way, bud.... you are not fooling anyone with your special sauce... we all know it is ranch dressing with a dash of Frank's Red Hot Sauce. Get over yourself.

What do you think of us, Ron? Do you think we have some kind of dementia or memory loss that we can look at the salad line and say "oh look! Salad!" and then turn slightly to our right, see international and say "oh look! Salad!"? I don't have Attention Deficit Disorder, I'm not Dory from Finding Nemo... (oh look, Sharks!)

Also why wouldn't you put the chicken and the "special sauce"at... wait for it Ron, you'll love it... THE SALAD LINE!................. IS THAT TOO MUCH LOGIC FOR SODEXHO??? And when did Buffalo secede from New York and the Union and become it's own country to qualify as INTERNATIONAL?

Get your act together, Ron.

In the end I bought the BCS, cause i am an idiot and wanted to pay 5.95 for 30 cents of food. It actually was delicious.

A Rant

Parking permits went up this year (the year i get a car). I don't know what they used to be, something like 20 or 30 dollars, i believe, but this year they are 150 Washingtons. Now, I know that is not that bad considering that people in the city would pay a great deal more, and that we have it pretty good, but that 150 was money i could have spent elsewhere, but i decided to park my car.

Being a resident of my building i was given a parking pass of appropriate color to park next to my building. However, i guess security gave out about double the number of passes as they had spaces for this particular color, and it is a constant fight to find a space in our lot. The adjacent lot where a house used to stand is supposed to be our overflow lot, but they made it a universal lot, so good luck finding a space there... ever.

Not being able to find a space in our lot would not really boil my blood so much considering that all these other people paid their 150 bucks to have the right (privilege?) to park there but it gets worse. I am constantly coming into the lot to find that people are straddling two spaces. Well... you paid for a pass to park in ONE space... and i would like the one you don't need, please.

Also, what the hell is with people "standing" in the middle of the lot to unload? Multiple times i have tried to get out of the space that i have rightfully parked in, only to find i am blocked in by someone (sometimes with no pass at all) in the middle of the lot, taking things out of their car after a jaunt to Wal Mart. (fascists). I always get the "oh! Hey look who it is! HI!" wave from them as they see me waiting patiently in my car for them to move, only to see them then grab another five cases of Ramen from the trunk and flounce back into the building.

And don't get me wrong, security claims to patrol our lot, but i don't see much evidence of it. Just mention underage drinking (on a college campus? NO!) mention it and they will have four officers, and three paramedics at the resident's door in heartbeat. But, call them about a overflowing bathroom on a weekend, or a lot full of cocky rich morons who feel it is their god-given right to park wherever their BMW stops, and they couldn't care less.

The worst was a couple days ago. I am constantly finding cars with Gold stickers in our lot (we are not a gold lot). Gold is reserved for... wait for it... faculty. Thy have parking in front of all their buildings, behind all their buildings, and (i am guessing) in Valet style garages underNEATH all their buildings. WHY ARE THEY IN MY LOT? I am, honestly, not even that close to an academic building in the lot. What are they thinking?

Realizing that security here seems to turn a blind eye to the faculty in out lot, when i couldn't find a spot (one was being taken up by a truck with no pass at all) i decided i would park elsewhere, perhaps a faculty lot, and see if they extended the same courtesy to me. I drove around "The Baldwin U" looking at all the little Gold signs as i passes, and i pulled into one. I turned off the engine, looked around... and panicked. I didn't really feel like paying ten bucks for being there.

As i continued around the U, i approached N. Main street, and i saw a sign on the U that said "No parking here to Corner," right by the FIJI house. i looked around. I didn't see a sing denoting it as a colored lot... could it be that i was really allowed to park along the street here? Free of charge? No questions?

I pulled in, and with the engine running i got out to investigate. No signs. Nothing. This was it. The answer. I turned off the car, and went to my building, content at having found the best kept secret in Allegheny parking.

The next day, i was walking down Main Street, and i looked over to where my car was. There, on the windshield was a little green envelope. A ten dollar parking ticket for parking in the "wrong lot." I should have known security would rush to protect our poor poor faculty. I should have gone to my lot when it was full, called security and told them there were underage kids tailgating with a keg in the truck. They probably would have towed it.

Unacceptable

What just happened?

I assume a lot of the Black and Gold faithful are talking about the lack of Hines Ward, and the mid-game loss of Troy and even the presence of out former offensive coordinator on the Arizona sidelines as the head coach... however todays loss was simply unacceptable.

What was up with Willie Parker? Last week i finally gave him props as a good running back, as he earned over 100 yards rushing for the third week straight... but today he was unable to hit more than 2 maybe three yards per carry on most runs. What was up with that? I have not looked at the post-game stats but i would guess that he averaged something like 1.8 yards per carry. What the hell?

Ben didn't exactly make me happy. He was sacked several times, and didn't complete a lot of passes. (At one point he was like 0 for his last 8 attempts). However, I am not sure this was entirely his fault, as much as i would like to just blame him.

Ben did seem, however, to be doing relatively well with the play calls he was given/calling (I am not sure who was calling the plays since his helmet is wired). He was avoiding some big sacks, and scrambling well, but for some reason the play calling was terrible. He was way better from the shotgun, but they still lined him up right behind the center on most plays.

Also, once we had established that we were TRYING to use the run-game (although it clearly was not working) we neglected to use play-action when we were throwing to our receivers. How hard is it to fake a hand off to Parker of Davenport? We were giving them the ball on almost every play, and they were not getting anywhere, so why wouldn't we use play action to make the Cardinals bite on the run, and THEN pass down the field.

As for our receivers... groan. Big pathetic groan. Dropping stuff left and right. Roethlisberger had some passes that were border-line perfect, and they couldn't pull them in. Let's face the facts here... Hines has not had all our receptions this year. He is a leader, but I have been impressed with out use of all our receivers. His absence on the field did not warrant this kind of pathetic show of offense. Step it up, boys.

I wrote last week about this being the year of the Tight-Ends so far... what happened to that? I know there are maybe three people who read this blog, and that includes me, so you cannot blame it on me putting it out there, and then Arizona finding out that Miller and Tuman are assets to our offense. (It also sucked that the CBS announcers, Gumble and his cohort, kept calling Miller "Tuman" and vice versa.) We should have been looking to 83 and 84 a whole lot more today to convert our third downs. Again, step it up.

The Alleghetor called his dad at halftime to talk about why were doing so poorly. "We are up by 7 at the half" he said. "You are too high-strung during football games." Oh well... I hate that i am like Nostradamus and i can call a bad game at the half. I can only pray that this was the wake-up call we needed so that we realize we have a long way to go before the playoffs are a reality.


~The Ghetor

Here's to You

This is all I am saying.

1300 CATS? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I dislike cats. i think everyone who knows me well knows this. There have been two cats in my life i have liked. One is our CCO representative's cougar. Ok... it may not be a real cougar, but the thing is huge... ginromous even. And i like it, cause the cat's owner treated it like a puppy when it was young, so now it acts like a dog that lands softly on it's feet. Never experienced wrestling with a cat before.

The other cat I liked, unfortunately, had a brain tumor. It was super affectionate and sweet... not mean like most of the felines that make up Satan's army of darkness and death. My uncle James only liked one cat too, (i think the dislike runs in my family) and that cat had survived it's head being crushed in a recliner, giving it brain damage (do i see a trend starting?) According to family folklore Jim is credited with the line "It took severe brain damage to make a cat likable." I agree. Cats should be harvested when they cease to be kittens.

So you can imagine my horror when a friend of mine mentioned that a 1993 study at the University of Wisconsin in Madison estimated that there were 1,295 cats per square mile in the city. 1300 CATS IN A SQUARE MILE! GROSS! That is 1300 little naked pink butts sitting on counters and 1300 little rough tongues licking faucets in kitchens and bathrooms... 1300 smelly sandboxes making basements and bathroom smell like death. What is the matter with Americans?

At least in 1484, Pope Innocent decreed that all Cats and Cat lovers be burned in the Inquisition... He understood that they were in league with the Devil. Seriously... Google it.
At least the inquisition got one thing right.

Crossing and Walking

So i was walking across campus today, answering urgent texts from all the ladies in my life (shakes head to indicate he is lying) when i got to North Main street. I could tell i was at one of the new super wide, super awesome crosswalks because the blinding white light that was reflecting off the pavement was giving me an instant tan.

I decided to keep right on trucking across the street, and if a car hit me so be it. Here is the thing... in PA, pedestrians have the right of way. No questions. You're walking, you take precedence. Cars HAVE to stop for you. So the way i figure it, if a car hits me, the settlement would probably pay for my college, and at 36 or 37 grand a year just for tuition at this point, those loans are piling up. So yeah... I may be the kid that is walking blindly across the street, cause here in the Commonwealth... we are in charge on foot.

Holland Quotes 2nd Edition

Ok... as promised, some more Quotes from the true Glenn Holland:

(Remember that these are comments made in the midst of lecture, often with no difference in tone from the legitimate lecture. Very dry.)


1. "Generally people don't come back from the dead, and if they do you don't want to see them because they tend to follow you around, or eat your brains... or have you vote for them."

2. "Egyptians were not just obsessed with death and the afterlife. They were not like a bunch of ancient Goths, walking around depressed all the time."

3. "There is a body of a Neolithic hunter who was found in the Alps, frozen. And scientists can learn a lot from that body about Neolithic hunters who were dumb enough to get lost in the Alps."

4. (While looking for a dry erase board marker) "...I don't want to write 'coffin texts' in red... that seems a little too grotesque."

5. "Psychology is actually 'the study of the soul,' these people (motioning to Psych department) don't know anything ABOUT souls."

6. (On texts written on the inside of coffins) "The mummies must have been buried with a Bic or a flashlight to read them, I guess."

7. "Egyptians saw the milky way as the Heavenly Nile... what we see as candy bars, they see as rivers."

8. "If you run into Osiris, he will be a mummy... make sure you say 'hi'."




Also, the gates of heaven just opened up and once again, i am attending school in Mudville. Ok, i rearranged the bedroom today, and i am all sweaty, so its time for this 'Ghetor to shower before heading out.

Peace, Fhqwhgads.

The Ghetor Procrastinates

Ok, yesterday was hot... oppressive even. People were walking all over campus yelling in british accents "'elp, 'elp! I'm being oppressed!" It was hotter than balls... and that is not employing the use of hyperbole: i drove by a bank with an analog thermometer, and the mercury was right past the notch marked "balls".

On another note, to those of you who might actually read my blog, you should both check out the steelers application on facebook if you have it. I have found that the trivia part of the application is addicting. If i am not mistaken i just passed 3500 total points.

On a sadder note, Professor Holland will not be teaching next semester... Something about sabbatical to write a book. I wish i could take sabbatical... oh well. This just means I'll have to soak up what wit i can this semester. I took a whole page of stuff from him yesterday, so as soon as i filter out what is good i'll be sure to post that too.

Ok, i should comp. The research chapter of this project has kind of hit a slow spot, so i need to look for more sources... i.e. more music based movies to watch.

Holland Quotes: First Edition

I once again have class with one of the smartest and most sardonic professors in the history of education: Professor Glenn Holland (yeah... not the one with the Opus.) The Religious Studies Department here never was and never is never as rich as when Professor Holland is teaching. He tends to say things seriously, and then add a sarcastic afterthought, in a way of mocking what he just said. I am often the only person laughing at 9:30am.

Let me remind you that this is the man who, when discussing the parable of the prodigal son said, "... the prodigal son, which would be more appropriately titled 'The Crazy Old Man, and his Two Loser Kids.'"

Amazing.

This semester the subject is "Near Eastern Religions in the times of the Ancient" (title changed to maintain anonymity. wink, wink.). Here are just a couple of the quotes i managed to record:

1. "...and that is why they would have eaten, say, black jelly beans... there might be another reason to eat black jelly beans... I've never found one."

2. (talking about not just relying solely on prayer): "You don't JUST get down on your knees and pray, you also look under the hood... or call AAA if you are a hopeless loser like me."

3. (on Egyptian Creation Myths) "so that is where everything came from... Then there was the cat. No one knows where it came from, it just showed up. (pause) Please don't put that in your notes; I have had students write that kind of stuff down and then it come back to haunt me on their tests. (mocking a past student, in a whiny voice): 'But you said...!' No."

4. "...Or the scarab, who is the God of the Rising Sun... and has a house in New Orleans. So moving on, we can see that..."

5. (While showing a slide of a representation of an Egyptian God): "That is a nice representation of Toth. If you ever run into Toth, I'm pretty sure this is what he will look like... actually, if you ever run into Toth, you might want to check yourself into rehab. And tell Lindsay (Lohan) hello."



the man is great.

SMILES

yeah... Heath just got ANOTHER catch. :-)

DH goodness

I forgot to mention this...


Opening week i went down to the Steelers Bar in town to watch the game. They had a free buffet set up... rigatoni, rolls, finger food... and for the Browns fans from the dog pound: Dog biscuits. Awesome.

Even with three browns fans in the room it was a friendly environment. The best part was midway through the first half the brown dropped yet another pass for an incompletion and one of the browns fans stood up in the midst of the hoopla, and shouted over the crowd, to his own reciever "COME ON! YOU COULDN'T CATCH POLIO IN THE '30s!"

...yeah, it rocked.

Tight Ends, Willie and halftime

Ok... there are 37 seconds left in the first half, and we are up 14-6. Rock On. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been slow to buy into the whole "Fast Willie" thing. I have always felt that he tries too much to break tackles and play like a big guy. The truth of it is that he is small... and runs a 4.29 40. Lets be serious... run outside. It isn't hard to figure out... you are smaller than everyone on the other side of the line of scrimmage, but you are twice as fast... run around them...

Anyway, if i am going to be quite serious, he is tearing it up today. Props to you Fast Willie.

What i really want to comment on is the tight ends. What a asset to our team, right? About 10 years ago my dad bought me a #83 jersey, back between Lipps and Holiday wearing the number in the early 90's. When we drafted Heath in the first round in '05 I watched him like a hawk... I mean let's be serious here. I have been wearing number 83 for over a decade, and he had been wearing it for exactly never.

Anyway, he turned out to be great, and our tight ends have something like 4 of our 6 touchdowns at this week three halftime juncture. Awesome. Heath has some great catches today, and Tuman has a TD. Nice.

P.S. if we keep blocking for Rossum, we might have something there.

P.P.S. Pittgirl is right: Steely McBeam is the giantest vacuum of suck EVER.

Ye Be Talkin' like a Buccaneer!

So today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. People the world over say things like "Ye be walkin' the plank, scalawags!"... either that or they careen around doing bad Keith Richards impersonations, and slurring their words, adding "savvy?" to the end of everything. (shudder) too much eye make-up.

Naturally, being from the burgh, i donned my Jason Bay jersey, and headed off for class saying things like "thanks God we fired Littlefield!" and "alright, boys. Next year, we will finally play some .500 ball!," and of course, the ever popular "hey, remember the 1970's and "we are family?" those were the days." Yeah, i can talk like a Pirate.

the 'Ghetor

Bike Share Time

So recently, in an effort to appease the liberals on global warming and the conservatives on saving money on fuel, Allegheny started a bike-share program. Not gonna lie: it rocks. The bikes are painted BRIGHT green; for serious, if the sun were green instead of yellow-ish orange and you were standing on the surface of it right in the middle of the nuclear fusion, this is the color you would be engulfed in.

Anyway, these bikes are left laying around campus and if you see one, you take it. Just make sure you leave it on campus when you are done. Beautiful. Haven't heard so many people asking each other "hey, wanna go ride bikes?" since i worked at A.D.D. camp a few summers ago.

The best part of these bikes is that they are ancient. No joke. Remember that episode of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman where they gave Sully the bike? (I have sisters, i was allowed to watch that show). I am pretty sure a lot of these are the same model. They are the kind of old where, when they break down, you call the college carpenter. Awesome.


the 'Ghetor

Welcome to the Alleghetor

So this is the Alleghetor Blog. A blog from the heart of Allegheny College. Nice.