Oregon Trail

So I recently realized that everything I learned about the Oregon Trail came directly from the computer game. Here are a few bullet points:

1. I know that you want to be either the Banker so you can buy tons of goods for the trip, or the Doctor, cause everyone is going to get Dysentery, or be bitten by a snake.

2. NEVER ford the river... all your freaking Oxen will die.

3. Hunting is awesome... but you will never be able to carry all the bison you shoot. You just won't.

4. There is no way you are reaching the end of the trail.

5. It is funny to name family members things like "Your Crotch" so that midway through the game/trail you get a message like "Your Crotch got Typhoid and died."

(Snicker)

That is about it. I cannot even tell you why people were fleeing to Oregon on what is almost certainly a doomed trek. No one ever beat the game. What were these people escaping? Were they being persecuted in Chicago for their wagons and deicided to head out into the wild west? I have news for you... if you walked like a mile west of Chicago you were in the Wild West. There was nothing out there. Why go all the way to Oregon? Just to get away from all the civilization?

Also... remember the Donner Party? The people who got lost and ended up eating each other to stay alive? I think what really happend is that they stopped at an Olive Garden halfway along their journey, but it was the dinner rush and they couldn't wait.

So when their name was finally called it was like "Donner, party of 10... Donner, party of 10... Donner, party of... 9? Donner party of... 8?"

hah. Cannibalism.

Bell-Bottom Jeans

Candy Bar

Dessert Island

Why Fall is Awesome and Summer is its Antipode

I don't like summer.

I know, i know... that sounds border-line un-American... right? I disagree. I love the fourth of July, and barbecues and blowing stuff up while yelling "'Merica!" I just don't like the season.

If you are wondering if there is a rule for weather that I find tolerable... yes. The weather has to be sweatshirt tolerant. That doesn't mean that you have to wear a sweatshirt... but I'm not really happy unless I at least have that as a reasonable option.

Now, there is certainly a time for hot weather. If I were to spend a month sailing the Chesapeake, I would be all about warm summer weather; but at the same time, is there any better beach scene than sitting on the sand with a fire and a cold one, while wearing a soft hoodie? Paint me a better summer picture than that... I dare you.

Beyond that, I cannot stand summer. It gets hot, and miserable. I can't sleep at night cause the heat is too oppressive. This summer it has been so warm that my A/C unit has been rendered nominally helpful at best. Gross. Who needs that?

Also, I'm basically nocturnal. I come alive around dusk. Yes, again there are great things to do in the daylight: an afternoon ballgame, hiking Laurel Mountain, playing Ultimate... and I've run out of stuff.

There is something about dusk that says to me "alright... time to get stuff done." I write more in the early morning, or late at night. I socialize more after dark. I'd rather star-gaze than sun-bathe any day. Comedy clubs open at night, and television during the day is a joke. (not that there has been a lot of intellectually challenging offerings on the tube since Sorkin thumbed his nose at NBC... rest in peace Studio 60.)

But enough ripping on summer. What I DO like is Fall.

Fall is this magical time of year. Workplaces pick up their business, there is more to do. Community, The Office and 3o Rock come back on NBC and The Big Bang Theory returns to CBS. Sweaters come out of the closet, and the weather allows us to wear those amazing hoodies bearing our Alma Mater's names. (Allegheny being the best, of course).

The leaves change. The days get gradually shorter and the air crisper. When you wake up from a deep sleep at 6am to relieve yourself, you don't stay up because its already 79 degrees with the A/C on. It makes it harder to get up and go to work, but that is how bed should be.

This is what I love about Western PA and Pittsburgh. Fall here is gorgeous, and growing up in the mountains to the east, the way I did, Fall becomes an integral part of your being. I honestly get depressed in the oppressive endless light and heat of summer, but when Fall begins to scent the air with notes of roasting vegetables, the unique aroma of abscission from the deciduous trees changing the color of their leaves and dropping them... and of course the smell of bonfires, and those make leaves burning in backyards.

Flavors are better in the fall too. There are spices in the air in every kitchen, and the harvest of fall brings all those crops that have just sat there worthlessly all summer growing slowly, building anticipation for stews, pies, pasta dishes and flavorful beverages.

When I think about the commencement of Autumn, I get excited inside, and wonder how on EARTH anyone could possibly enjoy summer. For me Summer serves one singular purpose: To give stark contrast to the perfection of Autumn, allowing us to appreciate the matchless excellence that is Fall.