Thoughts of the Day

1. I am not sure what is going on... but it is in the 60's today in the Burgh... and its October... not even early October... like post-Ides of October. It is supposed to be cool and crisp and sweater weather. I managed to pull off a Rugby shirt today, but i am wearing shorts with it. Grrr.

2. Being on the penultimate floor of the building has its downsides... or so it would appear.

see, when it started to not be 85 degrees everyday, all the old people in the building decided it was time to turn on their heaters and BLAST that stuff. Of course, since heat rises, our apartment is feeling the affects. I have never seen an air conditioner work so hard to acheive almost nothing at all. Last night I came in from a movie around midnight... and by midnight it has been dark for a while and the temperature outside should have fallen significantly. My roommate was wandering around in a t-shirt and a daze saying "its so hot... its so hot..."

being the attentive person i am, i immediately put my hand over the vent where the AC was supposed to be blasting... you'll never guess what was coming out...

WARM AIR.

groooooooooooooooooooooooss.

I next went to the thermostat to see where we actually were temperature-wise. The mercury had just passed the line marked "balls". That is right. Our apartment is officially hotter than balls. In October.

Now, i looooooooooooove fall. Love it love it love it. But if this is what fall is going to bring us I may actually have to move New England. Grosser than Gross.

Oh to ride the rails...

I've long been intrigued by locomotive travel. There is something so cool about a train with cars attached racing through the night with sleepy people inside, watching the dark horizon zip past.

When i was little I took every opportunity I got to ride a train, or play with an electric train set. When ours broke it was maybe the saddest Christmas in my memory... no little town scene and locomotive zipping around the Frazier Fir that year.

Even today I find this mode of travel enticing. I may or may not (on occasion) ride the subway in Pittsburgh for the short three stops that it is free... and i may or may not do this for the shear thrill of taking rail travel. A couple years ago my friends and i were celebrating the New Year at a friend's place in the city, so i ran a little experiment. I had my mother take me to Latrobe, and I took the train from there to Pittsburgh. (That trip ended up being free because the engineer didn't see me and blasted through the station, so the porter gave me a wink when i got on board, and thanked me for my ticket... a piece of paper i had yet to purchase.

The following year, i was invited to the wedding of my best friend's older brother in Washington D.C. I caught the train in The Burgh this time, and rode it right into downtown DC, where i walked to the other side of the station and caught the subway to the hotel where the wedding was being held. I'll write the story of that trip later (it was a fiasco mixed with pure joy).

All of this combined with my passion for film work has lead me to want to pursue a new project. This idea has been with me for a while, but now i'm thinking about really making it happen.

I want to board the train here with a rucksack, a camera, a microphone and tripod and ride the train to the West Coast and back. Along the way i'll interview passengers, and anyone i can get permission to talk to; engineers, food service personnel, porters, station attendants (did i just make those people up?), the corporate heads of Amtrak... whomever i can.

I want to explore the American Rail system, and do it from within. Not trying to take Amtrak down, but to explore why people don't use it, and what could make it a more viable means of transportation.

When i originally pitched this idea to a professor he suggested i "hobo it"... by that he meant hopping a freight train in the middle of the night. He then retracted his suggestion stating that he couldn't actually encourage me to do something dangerous on the record. But, he liked the idea. When i called Amtrak to ask permission to bring the equipment on board they said that all i needed to do was to have a letter signed by a professor delivered to a certain person at their head offices, and they would send me a letter of approval.

So, now all i have to do is really read up on the research end, get an accredited someone to write me the letter (since i'm out of school now) and scrape together the money... 500 dollars or so for the tickets... maybe that is one of the problems with train travel right there...

Going Home

There is an odd thing that happens to me every year: I go completely nutty over Fall.

I do. I honestly do. The leaves change, the air cools off, the sweaters come out\ and the hikes are not as sweaty as they once were. I love it. The brilliantly sunny afternoon and the cool, clear evenings... seeing your breath but not needing gloves.

Nothing can epitomize this feeling for me quite like Fort Ligonier Days. And, for me, this is going Home.

As one drives through the Loyalhanna Gorge from Latrobe he is surrounded by bright and full foliage, a sweeping, winding stream, (the remnants of the hollow... sad face) and the smell of wood and leaves finally burning again.

This place is a dream-town. It is like Maybury... very little crime, a picturesque downtown area, steepled churches, a Gazebo in a roundabout, a red-brick Town Hall with large white columns in front... just everything small-town America once was, and should forever be. I have a feeling in another 50 or 60 years people will purposely stop through here on road-trips to show their children "the way Grandpa and Great Grandpa grew up." Priceless.

Every Fall, there is a festival in town, that totally incapacitates any attempt by the average resident to have a normal weekend. You cannot get to the grocery store by car (unless you want to sit in traffic for half an hour... only going one mile in total)... it is impossible to be anywhere in town on Saturday between the hours of 830AM and 1200 noon without hearing marching drums... 100,000 people show up to a 1 square mile of land usually occupied by 1600... The fire station is blocked by the Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile (you think i'm kidding)... a north-south highway has to be rerouted from the middle of town to side-streets because the middle of town is full of food stands and people selling crocheted Kleenex Box Holders with Steelers logos beadazzled on the sides. All of this, shuts down our town for the weekend, and somehow it is best economic boom each year. Somehow that seems odd to me... the "shut down" our town... THEN we make more money.

There is something more, though, about coming home to this. Something intangible. I live in Pittsburgh now, and I spent the last four years of my life mostly in Meadville. When I leave a friend's house in Pittsburgh and head back to my apartment i say "i'm going home"... and when I would leave the bar at school it was to "walk home"... but this is different. This is "Home".

There is a sense of magic about this place. Maybe that is how it is for many people with the place they grew up... but i have to wonder. This is a town with that "Cheers!" syndrome where "Everybody knows you're name" (i'm dating myself)... it is a place where kids are raised by thier parents... and thier aunts, uncles, cousing, friend's parents, neighbors, teachers and siblings, and i mean that in a good way... not as if "well... my sister basically had to raise me".

Coming home feels good because people here care. They know who you are. These people watched you grow up. They watched you fall (literally and figuratively), and they watched you succeed. That is why i don't get annoyed when a thousand people ask me "what are you doing now?" and "how is work" or "what are you planning on doing next"... they genuinely want to know.

So, I'm Home. Maybe someday when i come here i'll be home too... but for now its just Home.

A random post

so... It turns out that being unemployed isn't a blasty blast. Whoda thought? I don't want to talk about it.

Working freelance, however, is a blasty blast... When you have work that is.


I don't really know why I haven't blogged in so long... Maybe it is the whole spending time looking for a job... Maybe it is fighting with cocast over their totally awful sales people and severely lacking Internet... Maybe it is because the roomate and I are totally kicking buttock in our season of madden... Or maybe it is because not driving downtown every morning for a month has left me with little to gripe about when I sit down at Compy ever morning. The most annoyin that has usuall happened to me by the time she a up and surfing is that the water pressure I the shower dropped And the cold... Nay... Lukewarm water from the cold tap has cut out scalding me.

I do have some rants saved... Or rather bottled... Up about the busses in our burgh, but I'll wait on those. But for now, for both of you read this blog and don't talk to me on a daily basis just know I'm alive and still annoyed and amuse by the small things in life. For my sanity's sake I should release that stuff here. I'll try. I'll try.

100th Post!

100 posts... awesome.

Lets review: Sarcasm scared Sodexho so much that they responded... someone in a bar one night told me they read the blog and were refered to it by someone in alumni affairs...

now if we count parents and friends... i think readership is up to five. Suh-weet. You all get a sticker that says "GRAPE JOB!" and has a bunch of grapes on it. It is scratch-n-sniff... enjoy it. don't get high.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

a.) Pandora radio is amazing. I have about 20 stations on there, and yesterday "Fleetwood Mac" radio played about 25 songs in a row... all of which i liked... none of which i skipped or gave the thumbs down to.

for those of you who don't know what it is, pandora.com is a website where you tell the computer a song or artist you like, and it creates a free online radio station that plays music similar to that... YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

try it.

you'll be hooked.

b.) today Pandora played "wheel in the sky" by Journey... i like journey, but that one never did it for me. I pushed the thumbs down, and since they redesigned the pandora website there are new messages... this is what popped up: "we're really sorry! we'll find something else for you to listen to now, and we'll never play this song again. we are currently destroying it from all existance with our partners of world-bettering monopoly at Google. Sit back, relax, and trust that steve perry will not even know he ever sang that song. it will now cease to exist."

i hear the next version will peel grapes for you.

c.) I saw REO Speedwagon a week ago, and i'v ebeen too busy to comment. SO i will now.

sqqqquuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! freakin' rocked.

It was at PNC Park after teh buccos loss last thursday, and during Roll with the Changed Kevin Kronin ran around the bases while plaiyng his guitar... its like we are brothers from different mothers.

AH-mazing.

Tow Me Chuck!

I wish i'd had my camera, or time to pull out my camera phone...

As i was taking a mid-morning break from staring at a computer screen, i sat outside the office here in Soho, and saw something truly hilarious...

A tow truck turned onto our street from the Boulevard of the Allies, towing a Chevy Sedan. What was funny, was that there were four elderly people inside the car. Not the tow truck... but inside the car as it was towed, front wheels off the ground.

They were in the car, laughing, and singing with the windows down and the radio going.

Best Gas Mileage Ever.

That's What She Said...

Our Time is Up...

I have long found myself in a state of frustration, stemming from a love-hate relationship with short-form story telling. Be they short-stories or film shorts, I find it this method of story very appealing. It is concise, often ambiguous and just the right length that one sitting satisfies the needs of a beginning a middle and end. This is why i love them.

The reason that I hate them is the hackneyed methods by which many are written, expecting us to think they are deep, or original. By the end of college I decided that if i was ever forced to read one more story in which the 'big twist' or the 'shocking ending' was that someone committed suicide, I would be dropping out of school. Perhaps that was a hyperbolic empty threat, but hyperbole is acceptable when used as means of conveying a point. I just decided that.

I think I contracted this love of the short-from narrative from my father, a man who earned his PhD. by substituting short stories as the text to encourage theological discussions in a small group setting. Genius. The man even writes short stories, and frankly, he has a gift for it.

It is because of this and my large Polish-Catholic maternal family's tendency to sit around a dinner table covered in the remnants of Pierogies and Polish Sausage and mashed potatoes, drinking beer and scotch, and trading stories their upbringing... it is because of this, that I have this that I have this love of stories that can be absorbed in a short period of time.

Being involved in film that way that I am, I continually seek out new and well-produced pieces to take in. This is one of the best I have seen in quite some time.

The film even deals with that trite subject of imminent death and the way it can change someone and his outlook on life, but it does in the most refreshing of ways. The Bucket List was a fine film, making poignant comments about what it means to be truly wealthy, and that was fine... but we have seen that before.

What "Our Time is Up" does is to use that imminent mortality as a means of allowing someone to shed that which has been hindering him and to actually help others in the way he has always wanted. The mortality issue is never actually directly addressed; rather, it is necessary mode of change that allows the narrative to take us on the journey with the characters.

While skipping around the chance to give away the ending, allow me to say this: It ends in a satisfying way. It is not some major climax of revelation, or a complete tear-jerker, but it does paints a picture of hopefulness and bettering of the world.. however small that may be. I would encourage anyone with 10 minutes to spare, to find five more and watch this 15 minute short.

It is well worth your time. Now, ours seems to be up.

A Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Everyone seems to be all giddy over the new Batman movie "The Dark Knight."

I saw it last week, and as much as we Gators like to go against the grain of the wider popular culture, I must admit it was spectacular. The movie is a refreshing turn from the standard super hero movie that has become a summer staple in the last 10 years. We continually see movie after movie where the hero is called to face some foe or enemy that challenges who he is and what is right. And the hero manages to beat the villain at his own game.

This is not so much the case this time.

Batman finds himself being called a vigilante by the people of Gotham, and there are few who understand and appreciate the service he is performing in the city. I won't give away the ending, but there is an amazing Christ-like sacrifice he makes involving his own reputation, calling to mind the old mantra that true character is how one acts when no one can see you.

Most of the hype is over the late Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker. Let me first say that, regardless of Ledger's unfortunate and disappointing death, this is the performance of the year. Ledger plays the classic villain with a depth and richness that rivals that of Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow in the "Pirates" movies. He is at once comical, creepy, eerie, human and believable... and I think it is that last piece that makes the movies so appealing.

Superman is an Alien and Spiderman is the result of a freak accident... But Batman... Batman is a person. A human, like any other, who trained himself in martial arts and enlists the aid of technology and close friends (like Morgan Freeman and Michael Kane's charcters) to make him the powerful agent for good that he is. In the latest series of movies, disbelief is suspended with little trouble because everything is portrayed so realistically. Even the Joker's eerie permanent smile is actually scars, and he clearly wears make-up instead of being some scarred freak.

It is these elements that support the characters and make the movie such a rich experience. The Joker is a deeply evil character that we somehow like... we don't want him to win, but at the same time he is real and he is human and he is kind of fun. He is also the ultimate villain because he doesn't seem to have anything that makes him tick. Most villains (such as the Character of Two-face) are borne of some childhood crisis or tragedy involving a loved-one in adulthood... The Joker is the exception. He seems only to desire anarchy and chaos. When things go wrong it is almost as if he wins anyway.

I would suggest that anyone interested listen to the Fresh Air interview with Director Christopher Nolan and Batman himself, Christian Bale. Toward the end, Bale adresses the issue of Ledger's accidental overdose and the how much he truely enjoyed playing the Joker. When you see the movie, I think it is clear. Ledger's performance is rich with the fun he enxperienced driving his portrayal.

6 stars on a scale to 5.

Thoughts of the Day... so far

1. Yesterday morning, as I watched the KDKA morning newcast on Pittburgh's CW... (inhale) I came to realization that they severely lack creativity. At least whoever comes up with the names of things down there. It was either the weather guy (who could not have been more wrong about the forecast yesterday) or the traffic guy who said these words... "Ok, now lets take a look at out 'Outdoor-cam'!"

No way! You have a camera outdoors? Where will the magic stop?

Outdoor-cam is what a 6 year old calls it. C0me on... you can do better. At least there is no question as to what 'Outdoor-cam' actually is. I have to admit that it is functional.

2. Last week i was driving home, and decided to drive through Sewickley since it is nothign short of gorgeous on a nice afternoon. While i was there i saw something i could not believe. A port-authority directional and velocitational engineer (bus-driver, for the less-well-versed) opperating the 16A while on a cellular phone. Not a hands-free cellular phone, mind you, but a big awkward hand-held thing. I feel so safe.

3. Not a week after i have the passenger window replaced, does teh driver side window decide to become dislodged from whatever contraption make it go up and down inside the door. At least it is up and secure. .... (grumble, grumble)...

4. Training camp starts Sunday. w00t. Read all about it here.

5. The Steelers training camp page has directions to get there from Baltimore. HAH! mmmmexcellent...

Success

This is what was in the mail when i got home yesterday. The friend who mailed it to me has just been crowned my new favorite. There it is. The Seal.

I also failed scanning this about 15 times. I finally go it though. Now anyone from Allegheny can have it for their wallpaper on their phone or computer.

Boo. Yah.

Today's Thoughts: Gone with the Schwinn

1. First and foremost: THE SPEEDWAGON IS BACK! The window and door panel were replaced yesterday, and i drove the piece or gorgeousness in today.

2. When I walked into the foyer at the house yesterday there was something waiting for me that could quite possibly be the best piece of mail I have ever received. It is relevant to the blog, so there will be more to come on that. Stay tuned.

3. I was on the 16 block (some of those are very looooong blocks) walk from the office to my bus stop the other day, and I had just gotten to the part of Forbes where you pass under the Cross-town Boulevard.

CRUISING up the street toward me, was a kid on a bicycle, and I was impressed, because he was not only doing a wheelie, but he was doing it on his front wheel.

Then, as i looked closer, something seemed amiss... the back wheel, about 2 and a half feet off the ground, was flopping side to side... it was then that i noticed the front tire was not, in fact, turning but was, in fact, skidding.

Out of the corner of my eye (and in slow motion, i might add) i saw the light switch from yellow to red... that was when the bike gave up, crashed to the ground at the white "stop here on red line" as if to say "HEY! I KNOW THE LAW!" and sent the kid FLYING toward the intersection and skidding across the pavement, having been bucked from the bike as if it were a horse with a sarcastic sense of humor.

As he bounced six or seven times, his legs had already begun to move in an effort to get on his feel, much like Dino from The Flintstones or a Cocker Spaniel trying to run on a linoleum kitchen floor when his master comes home.

Cars came to screeching halts, and several people, including myself, jumped off the curb and into the street to make sure the kid was ok, but he was already up collecting the back saying "I'm ok... i'm ok... i meant to do that... i'm actullay a ninja... i just need to sit for a minute and stop shaking... and maybe change my pants."

He really was fine, and I have to admit, that once all the sense of danger was gone and i was replaying it over and over in my mind, it was hard not to laugh. I guess i should have the sick sense of humor looked at.

Gator vs. Cat

The cat (declawed in the front) enters the den almost every evening around 912, and begins to "claw" at the corner of the sofa, while sitting up his hind legs... and giving me a scornful look.

So, my dad sent me this. How apropos.

The Upside of the Bus

This morning, as i was walking the two blocks through the neighborhood to the bus stop I saw both the OV and the 16A (the only two buses i can take, and the only two on this route) stop... with the 16A right on the OVs tail... i am not kidding when i say that the 16A looked like it was going to collide with the OV. Stupid buses being early.

The upside to riding the bus, i have found, is that i am able to listen to the iPod and get some reading done. This morning it was one of my all-time favorite authors, Mr. Bill Bryson.

The book is titled "In A Sunburned Country" and chronicles his travels in Australia. Before reading this boook the first time, i had never given Australia much thought. It is now a goal of mine to get there. He is so informative, while observing the greatest idiosynchracies of anywhere he travels, and he certainly found a wealth of material in the Outback.

This morning, i was reading one of my favorite parts of the book, where Bryson describes Canberra (Can-bra) and i had to stop a few times and resettle myself to keep from laughing outloud on the bus, and risk looking like the people that i tend to avoid in the street... you know the ones... standing facing a wall chuckling to themselves and giving passers-by sideways looks that give them more than the typical "personal bubble"...

Anyway... there are upsides to riding the bus... it would seem.

Gator vs Cat

So the Battle To Make Friends With The Cat wages on...

It has turned into both of us dissing each other left and right, and then trying to butter the other one up. Its a great combination... an ornery goofy cat and an ornery playful Gator... i think we are secretly both enjoying it. It isn't so much a love-hate relationship... it is a hate-loathe kinda thing.

I came home the other day with the guy cousins, behind the girl cousins and aunt in another car. When my aunt opened to garage door, the cat raced out into the yard. When he saw me get out of my car in the driveway, he ran to the front door, knowing i would let him in. When i opened the storm door, he jumped up on the threshold, got on his hind lags and started pawing at the door like a bear or a human, and meowing. However, the door was locked.

So, I gently shut the storm door, trapping Chester between the two doors, and went into the house through the garage. I grabbed one of my cousins, and took him to the front door. We unlocked the door, and opened it, and with a 'rrrrrrrrrroOOOOW!' the cat fell into the hallway, dropping from his hind legs to all fours like a beggar falling at the feet of Jesus.

It was hysterical.

Port Authority... and why no one uses it

you don't even know...

When I am driving to work, the commute is as few as 25 minutes and as many at 45. Its really not bad. I usually leave the house between 7 and 730 and get in before 8 every day. One of the biggest perks is listening to WDUQ the whole way. You don't even know.

When i take the bus in the morning, like when the Speedwagon is hurt (moment of silence) i leave the house at 645, and i get to work at 830. That is an hour and 45 minutes... an hour and 45 minutes.

Yesterday, i took the bus home and... i am not kidding... there was a point where we stopped three times withing 100 feet. And my estimate of 100 feet is a VERY generous estimate.

We stopped at a bus stop... moved the length of the bus to a stop light... sat at the light till it turned green... the stopped on the other side of the intersection. And this was not a big intersection. There was a sidewalk on both sides, and the street we crossed was barely wide enough to have one lane of each traffic in each direction.

THIS is why more people don't use public transportation. You don't even know.

I love Pittsburgh... love it, love it... and i LOVE riding the subway. But here is the thing... it is almost useless to me. The bus drops me at Wood street, so i head into the station, and hop on the T... then i get off at Steel plaza... that is five blocks. Five. I mean, it is fun, and saves me walking... but if i have to wait for the train at all it takes the same time as walking.

I understand that if you are coming from the south hills it is an amazing piece of public transit, but everyone else basically gets a big nose-thumbing from the port authority. Why can the port authority not burrow East from downtown? Wouldn't that make a good bit of sense? But a station in at Duquesne, a stop at the beginnning of Oakland, one under the Cathedral of Learning, Another past CMU... heck, they could even take it out to Monroeville. I guess that would be too logical. You don't even know.

It makes a lot more sense to burrow over to the stadiums, since people seem to REALLY hate walking across the Clemente Bridge...

Oh wait... People love that. They don't even know.

If they just take the north shore connector to the stadiums and that is it, it will be the biggest waste ever. Here's hoping they make it worthwhile and put topside tracks North and West.

This Looks Safe

I snapped this picture on my way to the office this morning. You get to see lots of good stuff when you have to get off the bus at Wood Street and then walk to Uptown.

Also... is the truck in reverse?

Fourth of July

Boy do I love the Fourth.

There were many much much bigger explosions, just as close, but this was the best picture from my phone.

NOTHING gets my heart pumping like...

Nothing get my heart pumping and my Black and Gold Blood racing like this sound... Crack me open an Ahrn City.

That is right... and we are now OFFICIALLY less than a month away from the first preseason game. Boo. Yah.

Steelers-Eagles... August 8th... Heinz Field. 7:30pm EDT.

SPEEDWAGON DOWN! SPEEDWAGON DOWN!

As any who reads this knows (all both of you), the Speedwagon is down.

sad.
face.

Yesterday, while finishing the claims process, the insurance company informed me that they would cover a rental car for up to $30 a day. What is more than that... all i had to do was show up at Enterprise and everything would be taken care of. Direct billing and everything.

So, i figured it was worth a shot. I left the office at five, and wandered downtown to the enterprise office. It turns out that the company will cover the car for up to $30 dollars a day, but what the insurance company won't cover is the... wait for it... insurance.

The company that does nothing but insure stuff won't cover the insurance on the rental car they are providing me. Irony defined. Almost as much as Global Warming protesters getting snowed out.

So it is going to cost a hundred bucks or so to have the thing for like 6 days. Gross.

I go to get into the car, a Dodge Caliber, and as i open to door i get a whiff of something... something that smells like an old hotel room... gross.

That's right. Apparently everyone who has driven this relatively new car has been a chain smoker. Being in the car is like driving a giant nicotine patch. I took one breath and my cravings were gone... cravings that i've never had.

On top of that, driving a rental car feels so weird. Ever have a dog that came back from the groomers with a really goofy haircut (fur-cut?)? You know how the dog looks at you with a sense of shame that says "please don't laugh at me... its not my fault this happened!"
...same thing...

Also, since it is a rental, the car is the cheapest version of the vehicle that Dodge makes. Never have missed the Speedwagon more. i actually went into the garage for a while last night, just to spend time with it. The 'wagon may be missing a window, and it may have a bent doorframe, but at least it smells like that little pine-tree shaped thing i have hanging from the mirror.

Dear car... i miss you.

Caption Time!

This was in today's Post-Gazette... McCain visited the Consol R&D center in South Park...

Possible captions are:

John McCain:
(all to himslef)
"Is that a jolly rancher in my teeth...?"
"I heard there is a pressure point between your thumb and pointer for when you are in pai...rrrrrrrrrrr there it is!"

Cindy McCain:
"ooooooh yeah... i love it when guys talk research and design... mrrroww!"

Steve Winberg (Guy on Left):
"This is where i grope the air..."
"Right over there! We could play dodgeball!"
"Obi Wan says to use the force..."
"I believe... i believe you have my stappler...?"

Dude... my nose is running... you got the Crow Bar?

Well, it happened. The Mario Speedwagon was vandalized last night. Allow me to back up...

My Dad's Birthday is today (WOO-HOO!) so he and I went to the Pirates game last night. Wanting to see my place of work, he stopped by here shortly before quitting time, to see everything, then we left my car in the lot here, and took his downtown for the game.

Things were great. Max and Erma's was not crowded, walking across the bridge was awesome as always, and the Buccos were actually winning against the Astros. (I have a pretty good win-loss record at PNC park, not gonna lie).

However, we got into the third inning, and things took a turn. I got a call from a number i didn't know, and it was someone from work. My car... the Mario Speedwagon... had been broken into. (can i end that with a preposition? i don't really care. i just did.)

So we leave the game, walk back across the bridge get in the Jeep and head up to my car. On the way to my dad's car, i said to him "sorry, dad. i think we missed the pirates winning"

"actually, i think we saw them win... unless they fall behind and come back again..." we'll get to that later.

So, we get to the car and one of the guys from the office (who had had his window smashed as well) had been kind enough to wait for us to get there. his window was pretty much knocked clean out, and he had some change stolen.

I looked at my passenger side window... all smashed, but only about a football sized hole in the side of it. Apparently the window on my car was exceptionally had to break, because (juding by the bent metal where the window meets the door) the person who did this had to wedge a crow bar into the side to break the window... you'd think just swinging 10 pounds of iron at glass would do the trick.

Here is the thing... the car was still locked. The doors were shut, the glass hadn't been fully kicked in... and everything seemed to still be in the vehicle...

... with one exception...

my Kleenex.

When I opened to the doors I did a sweep to see what had been stolen. House key? There. Dressy rain-coat? There. Watch? There. Pipe? There. Extra Shoes? There. Puppy? Didn't have one to begin with. CDs? There.

The only thing i could not find... the ONLY thing... were my kleenex. I suppose it is possible that they Kleenex fell out somewhere else, or i took them out this weekend, or something... but that was the only thing i couldn't find.

it put in mind a Kleenex junkie... wandering around with a crazed look in his eye... staggering throught the streets with a leather trench coat and a crow bar, going from car to car looking for soft facial tissues...

i imagine he goes home to his lair, to his stockpiles of kleenex... and if you get in good with him he'll show you his private collection, in his walk-in humidore... the Kleenex with lotion...

An American Weekend in The Burgh

1) I helped my father start a blog last weekend. In just over a week he has posted 22 times. Who does that?

2) Do NOT spend money seeing "The Strangers." It is frightening at points, but not particularly good.

3) DO spend money seeing WALL-E. It is particularly good.

4) The 4th is never complete unless i have ash and cinders from fireworks rain down on me... always makes me feel like a patriot. (What?)

5) That is patriot... not patriot.... (shudder).

6) Sissy or not, i am seriously considering getting a scooter. 130 MPG? That's what I thought...


7) Saturday night i was driving down 65 at 2am on my way 'home' after seeing a movie, and in my rear-view i thought i saw a bus. I thought that was odd, since i believe buses stop around midnight. The thing was barreling down on my in the slow lane... so as he approached, i moved over to the right. When he passed me, you know who it was? A Pittsburgh Post-Gazette delivery truck. A big, solid, mack-truck type, doing about 70 on the Ohio River Boulevard. My question is this... Who is it that so desperately needs the PG by 3am that the truck would have to drive like that? At every red light on 65 I thought the truck was going to burn rubber trying to come to a stop.

I guess there must have been someone in Emsworth, or Ambridge or (God forbid) Ohio who was sitting up in dire need of thier Sunday Post-Gazette Fix? I imagine an old woman, sitting on her porch in a rocking chair... she is muttering nonesense... her grown children and small grandchildren standing in side the screen door looking helplessly at her... her duaghter holding back tears. The woman sits there, rocking back and forth, muttering and weaving an imaginary basket...

...then, off in the distance is a rubmling... quiet at first, then growing steadily louder... lights appear over the horizon... the woman keeps rockign but the family becomes a little more alert in the doorway... could it be? could it be?

YES! The truck pulls up, the green lettering on the side unmistakable even in the dark Ohio night... the driver hops out, runs to the back of the truck, opens the door, grabs a copy of the Sunday morning PG and runs it up on the porch... as he hands it to the woman, she looks at it, and slowly looks up at him... and smiles.

The family comes out... a child yells "GRAMMA'S BACK!"... and the delivery guy walks down the steps to his truck, turns, tips his hat and says "all in a night's work."

I smell a commercial.

Another thing...

Another entry into the file "Things The Alleghetor Wishes He Could Have Seen"...

I was walking through PPG the other day around 130 between meetings, and I noticed that the fountains that an hour before had children running through them had been turned off.

A half hour later, when i walked back through after seeing the the new Dunkin Donuts at Market Square, the fountain was back on... and here is the kicker: I saw a Pigeon who was soaking wet.

After a moment's thought, the conclusion was clear... let me paint the picture for you:

The fountain turns off, and the children leave so the pigeons come back, looking for little morsels of food that the children probably left behind when they left. The pigeons waddle here and there for a while, not finding much...

Then there is a rushing sound... a sound from underneath...

Mr. Pigeon cocks his head to side and coos... what is that?

Then it happens... Thejet of water shots up, and the pigeon is flying... but not by his own doing...

He is startled and starts flapping his wings in fright, but he is upside down so he crashes right into the ground.

So, five minutes later, i come walking by and he is still waddling around in a skiddish manner... soaking wet and frightened...

I WISH i could have seen that in person.

Someone's Drunken Near the Strait to Denmark

In the category of things the Alleghetor wishes he could have seen:

Monday night, a 78 year old Drunken Swede spent the night drinking in Denmark, then decided he needed to get back to Sweden. According to the article, the channel separating him from his desired destination was about 3 miles, and when he couldn't pay the ferry fee, his drunken and elderly brain hatched a plan that probably sounded like this... "hey look! a rowboat!"

Halfway across the channel, however the man decided is was naptime, so he laid down in the bottom of the boat for a snooze. He was discovered by police floating around the sea, apparently.

The guy was so drunk, he couldn't opperate a row boat.

my new computer and cell phone background

Please note the inclement weather crowding in around the sun over Bentley... Timmy A. got it EXACTLY right.

Replace the Word "Rebel" with "Nerd"

I think it is no secret that I loved Allegheny. I loved being there, the people, the classes, the professors (i guess they are part of 'the people') and the history.

So, every now and then I run a google search on the school, and look for stuff on ebay... just to see what is out there.

One thing that is not out there in the ether? The Seal. The Seal of the College is not out there. Almost every other institution of higher learning i could think of has a seal that can be found online... not us.

So I asked someone who is working in public affairs or community relations, or the office of keeping things at Allegheny Secret and exclusive if they might be able to get the image online somewhere. The answer came back "they are really strict about where the seal goes, and don't want it just getting out there, so they won't put it online."

... deep breath ...

Really? This seems odd to me since I not only have a mug with the seal, but a sweatshirt and coasters. How official is a coaster? Or a sweatshirt? I doubt the bookstore has some kind of copyright on the thing for financial gain, and Allegheny isn't big enough that they would have to worry about someone standing on a street corner selling counterfeit gator gear. Its like the school thinks they are the masons, and if someone can find the seal online and translate the Latin and the Hebrew, they will suddenly have control over the institution.

Oh yeah... they also gave me a diploma with the seal on it. Maybe I'll scan it.

I'm such a rebel.

Another Gator Connection

So, yesterday i decided it was about time to i opened a bank account i could access from Pittsburgh. On my lunch hour i went to PNC in Shady Side to do so, and what do you know, the guy who i met with (Wes) was a 2004 graduate of Fair Allegheny.

This follows a sighting of a Allegheny Professor walking through Market Square last Thursday as I headed toward Stanwix Street to meet my parents for dinner. Just goes to show you that Gators are everywhere.

Wes mentioned how frustrated he was that right as he was graduating they were completing the renovations on the campus center and McKinley's... to which I expressed my joy of watching the view out my window being taken over by the building i was promised, but will never be able to use..

some things never change.

WARNING: this post contains a bad word...

I was at subway the other day for lunch (like every day of the week) and there was a kid in front of me with all these tattoos and piercings... basically one of those punks who wants to look as intimidating as possible.

He was also one of those kids who feels the need to sprinkle swear words throughout his sentences like negative pixie dust to mask any potential feelings of sensitivity he might have.

He got up to the front of the line... and ordered as follows... in the toughest voice he could muster... "I'll have the sweet onion chick'n teriaki on 'talian herb 'n cheese... 'n shit."

You know what? It IS hard to order ANYTHING on Italian Herb and Cheese bread and sound manly... especially something that starts with "sweet onion"... i should know i do it every day. It just never occurred to me that adding "and shit" to the end of the order made it tough.

Being behind him in line i thought about ordering the "sweet onion chicken teriaki on italian herb and cheese bread WITHOUT the shit, please"... or "if i get that same order can you hold the shit?" and the classic "wow! when did you guys start carrying shit on the menu?"

Instead, i cleared my throat, and in the most specific and well spoken voice of sincerity i said "i too will be having the 'sweet onion chicken teriaki on itialian herbs and cheese bread and shit..."

at the least the girl behind the counter laughed...

Take Me Out OF the Ballgame...

Last night I was at the ballpark for the Pirates-Yankees game in which the Pirates beat NY 12-5. Bows... thank you so much.

I was sitting in section 115 behind homeplate, enjoying the game when suddenly there was something two rows in front of me that took my attention...

A man in his late 50's or early 60's (i'd guess) started having an early onset stroke. His son was concerned and a kid we had dubbed "Mr. Obnoxious" stepped in to help. A doctor was called down from the section while the usher waived a yellow card for the paramedics to find the situation ASAP...

Here is the kind of funny part: The guy didn't seem at all phased by the fact that he was having a stroke. The doctor who was upholding his Hippocratic Oath kept asking the guy questions, to which he would nod, or shake his head, then... this was priceless... the guy having the stroke would lean around the crowd of assistance in front of him to see what was going on with the game...

The guy had a blood clot in his brain causing serious problems and he is thinking... "Boy, i hope that cheering means we just struck A-Rod out... better take a look."

Props to the people who helped him out... seriously. And kudos to the gentleman having the stroke as well. He seemed to calm, and collected as they strapped him to the stair stretcher, and then hobbled up the awkwardly spaced steps with him...

So, having described his general demeanor I don't think the following thought I had is ALL that sick... just a little.

They were getting him on the stretcher at the 7th inning break when we all stand and sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame..."

all i could think was "Get me out of the ballgame, get me out of this crowd..."

yeah, i guess i have issues with humor...

Some more things i have learned

A) REO Speedwagon cannot be listened to quietly. I tried today. When Handel was over, i elected to have The Wagon serenade me as i worked... i had to crank the earphones to get the right effect.

August 14th.... August 14th...

B) "Stuck Behind a Bus" would be both a challenging and terribly awful/frustrating arcade game, as evidenced my commute this morning. After getting away from the bus i was stuck behind on 65, i ended up behind a different one downtown. That'll add a good ten minutes to the commute.

C) Google is taking over the world, and I'm sadly behind. I found a new feature on google this morning called teh "Street View"... ok, so it was new to me. I spent the last four years in Meadville. If the street you are looking at is outlined in blue (most all of pittsburgh qualifies) you can click on it, and there are panoramic 360 degree pictures every 8 feet or so travelling down the street...

it is like driving. I saw my apartment, and the office, and people waiting for buses... nuts. Totally nuts.

soon the CIA will just be the GIA... the Google Intelligence Agency.

I bet if we think there are weapons of mass destruction somewhere in the future we'll just log on google... "oh look! there they are!... and what do you know, if you take that off ramp into that cave over there... Osama!"

Don't think it won't happen. We're almost there.

Allegheny Ebay

A) I have been looking online for a while now and this is my conclusion: The Allegheny College Seal is not online. Anywhere. Boo.

B) Try this: Do an Ebay search for "Allegheny College"... Today i found the following:

1) Several old Post-Cards that i do not own, including this one of what is now Alden Hall (this was before the fire and renovations). This is the side that faces main street... right next to Caflisch
2) Several old Post-Cards that i DO own. Ka-ching!
3) An Allegheny College security badge (apparently someone tore the stitches out so they could get off the shirt)
4) A bunch of old yearbooks
5) This little nugget: Its an old "pep song"... from back when the school had spirit. The listing has some lyrics printed which include,


"Fair Alma Mater, you've been true; Thru thick or thin we'll stick by you. You have been our shield; we will never yield. On the floor or field, and we're goin' to start to Fight, Allegheny......"



Also, the listing says that the pages will be sent in a "stiff mailer"

... that's... what... she... said... ?

So Original

Ok... i do love this city. Honest. That is why i made sure to move here after school.

BUUUUUUUUUUT... i don't get some stuff. Like this article in the Post-Gazette this morning:

"Movie Review: 'Get Smart' a fun ride, but misses out on originality"

...sigh... Ok, Post-Gazette... Fun Ride? i'll allow it. Misses out on originality? Are you kidding me? It is a film adaptation of a 1960's TV show! (one that happens to also be a fun ride...) Are you missing this? How original is any adaptation ever going to be? If you are re-making something... that means it was already made. The original is already out there... the "originality ship" set sail in 1965... no one is EXPECTING this to be original. The PG might as well have said "Get Smart: A Movie." That is about as informative as "Get Smart.. not original."

Things of Which I Shall Never Tire

A) Dunkin' Donuts Coffee

B) Singing fake German lyrics to English Songs. Don't judge me.

C) Karaoke

D) The look on the faces of people behind me in traffic when i hit my rear window cleaner and the windshield wiper fluid shoots at their car in a nicely arching jet. I pulled it this morning in traffic on Forbes Ave. The girl behind about peed her pants.

E) Cooking breakfast and then having my grandmother INSIST that she is going to clean the pots and pans.

F) My Car.

ok... time to get that DD coffee... mmmmmmmmmm...

A Nugget

I forgot a little nugget from the other night.

We were sitting at dinner, and we heard meowing (or as grandma says "screaming") from the garage. My seat at the table is right next to the door, so reached over, and let the cat in.

He came in, meowed, ate about 3 pieces of dry cat food from his bowl, and went back to the door.

I opened it with one hand, as i kept eating with the other.

Grandpa: "I guess he just came in for a 'quickie'"

Me: "Yeah, that's not what that is..."

He immediately broke down with laughter. Grandma didn't follow. Good thing, i guess...

A Pittsburgh Commute Race

Driving in this morning, i hit almost no significant traffic. I have been toying with the idea of getting a a motorcycle or a scooter to save on gas prices... i am even thinking of riding my bicycle in to reduce my gas usage... not cause it is green... but because i am a capitalist, and it makes better economic sense.

So today, I was sitting at a light on Grant Street when a cyclist from the office passed me on the sidewalk. We had to get up to SoHo to the office, so i ran a little experiment (my engineer grandfather has me hooked on figuring economic stuff out like this). I figured, i'll drive the speed limit like i always do in the city, and see who gets to the office first.

I paced it just right, hit every light green, or just about to turn green, and when i turned down the side street to get to our private lot, i could see that bike-boy was a good two blocks behind me.

I had, indeed, gotten to the parking lot first. But then i realized i had a good block and a half to walk to get into the building.

Bike wins.

He even had to ride up hill, through Duquesne. Bike wins.

However, i am lazy, and don't enjoy being sweaty, or riding in loafers. Time to start looking for a scooter...

The Casket

There has been a large, grey, heavy duty, foam lined computer case in the office for a week and a half. It stores a stand-alone computer console for a game a client wanted for a convention or something. That is irrelevant. The thing is huge and rectangular... large enough for a person to easily be placed in... or even buried in. Hence, it became known as the "Casket".

Today, with everything ready to be shipped, the casket was carried out of the building. I was sitting at my desk as it was carried by in classic funerial fashion, a bearer on each side, and out of nowhere the edit suite starts playing the airy, breathy, choir-only version of "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic.

Aduie, "The Casket."

Pittsburgh has Politics?

A) There is a CostCo bag of DD Coffee here. Mmmm... i dunno about life, but IIIIII run on Dunkin'.

B) So this "gritty feeling i have in my right eye when i wear my contacts" is apparently an allergic reaction to something... undetermined. So, i am wearing glasses for 10 days. I forgot what a pain that is.

C) Listening to WDUQ this morning on the drive in, i heard that there is a group or a movement going by the name "The Whiskey Rebellion 2," and that they are trying to get a referendum on the November Ballot to repeal the "Onorato Tax" (the 10% added tax on any alcoholic beverage). Onorato is threatening a response he is calling "The Property Tax Rebellion."

I don't even know what to think, to be honest. There is a part of me that is thinking, "well... the money has to come from somewhere..." and the other part of me is thinking "i do hate paying 14 dollars for two beers."

What ALL of me is thinking is this. "The Property Tax Rebellion"? No. That is not in the LEAST what he is proposing. What Onorato is proposing should be called something along the lines of "The Great Dark Alternative" or, "Onorato's Reign of Terror." Call it like it is, Dan, Case here is the thing: Rebellions are always AGAINST the man... and you cannot rebel AGAINST the man if you ARE the man. Don't get me wrong, i am no anarchist or anything... this is just how it works. YOU, Daniel, are part of what these people are rebelling against, cause you are in power. You cannot rebel if you HAVE the power. There is nothing against which to rebel. gawd.

And, as i alluded to with my suggestions for alternative names to the plan, why do politicians have to be so un-inventive? To borrow from the West Wing, i would wager that Onorato is so unimaginative if he ever became President (God-Forbid) his secret service code name would be "Dan Onorato." I bet when they form a committee to start fixing the bridges and potholes in and around the Pittsburgh, he will want to call it "The Committee To Fix The Bridges And Potholes In And Around The City Of Pittsburgh."...

The CTFTBAPIAATCOP... look out. It's coming.





...also... Dan Onorato... when you say that doesn't it beg a jingle to the tune of "camp anawana..." i cannot possibly be the first to think of that...

Clearly, I've never been to Singapore

Sigh... and not the good kind...

Remember when Captain Jack Sparrow says to Miss Orlando Bloom "clearly you've never been to Singapore..."? (i may have that wrong, but whatev...)

Well... he may have been on to something, as it seems to be a very different world.

From Reuters:
"Singapore man with a penchant for sniffing women's armpits was sentenced to 14 years in jail and 18 strokes of the cane for molesting his victims, a local newspaper reported Friday."

The article goes on to say that his penchant for sniffing armpits is not just an identifying trait, but the reason he is in trouble... just to clarify.

So this guy molests women in a very odd way... repeatedly. 23 women over the course of 15 months, apparently. He is clearly not stable, and i think that 23 known occurrences certainly counts as "repeat offenses."

So good, lock him up, keep the women safe. It makes sense. But 18 strokes of the cane? Is this like 1770 or something?

(To be read in a high-class British accent): "You sir, have been most naughty, and in lieu of a penalty of 30 days in the stocks in the towne square, we have elected to induce the penalty of cane-ing. You shall receive 18 strikes of the cane to the buttocks in the town center as a public spectacle of humiliation and degradation (women shall be excluded from said spectacle), where your buttocks shall be beaten until red. This decree is sent forth from..."

you get the idea. Anyway, that is just what a perverted sexual molester needs... a spanking.

iPod Nano, or iPod Nana?

A) Status of "The Battle to Make Friends With the Cat"... I'm still losing

B) How is it that Pittsburgh traffic is so inconsistent? Today i left the house at 7:30, and was at the office... inside, and at my desk eve, at 5 till 8. last week i left at 7:25 one morning and was not here until 8:35... whatever. Its quiet if you get here early.

C) The Ballad of Gramma and the iPod.

So, my grandmother was thinking about getting an iPod, but of course was not able to open one up at the store and play around with it. So when i showed up for my stay with her and my grandfather, she asked me if i could give her some help in looking.

I gave her my iPod and a pair of production headphones (the bigs ones that would make you look like you are guiding an airplane to the hangar if you only had large orange flashlights in each hand) and i showed her the basic functions. I got her hooked up with my Frank Sinatra collection, and she was off to the races.

After a good 30 seconds she took off the headphones and said "that sounds so good!" so i told her just to play with the thing as long as she wanted, and i went off to the other room to talk to my grandfather at his desk.

A few minutes later we can hear a buzzing noise... then footsteps and she appears in the doorway. "STEVE! YOU HAVE TO HEAR THIS! ITS AMAZING!" Patiently and lovingly he indulged her as she put the headphones on his head, and then... then she pushed play.

I thought my grandfather was going to have a heart attack. He jumped about 8 feet out of his chair... then bobbed up and down with the music, took off the headphones and said "that is nice!"... i had forgotten that my grandmother had taken out her hearing aids before putting on the headphones... (smacks forehead with palm).

Anyway, she looked at him and said "i want one. and now we need to get a computer..." and then wandered off smiling, and listening to Frank.

my grandfather just hung his head, looked over at me and said "what did you do?... this is terrible... just... just terrible."

Gator vs. Cat

So, the grand parents have a cat. I am not a cat person. At all. Unless it is a puma, or a tiger... Then you have my attention. Nay, I am one of the people who likes dogs... Animals that are loyal and loving and who do not staybout all night without telling you where they are going, only to show up in the morning to puke in the hallway or lickthemselves hairless on you bed.

So you can imagine how happy I was when my grandfather said ... "here is your bathroom... You'll be sharing it with the cat."

I decided then and there to make friends with the cat. "the battle to be friends with the cat" had begun. I consulted some cat-loving friends, and got some pointers... I have let mr. Chester in and out at his will and even slipping him extra treats: it is not working. I am sad to report that he is winning the battle to make friends with the cat. Grrrrrr... Not the purring kind.

Grandparents vs. Technology

It occurs to me that my current living situation might be good blog fodder. Lemme ‘splain:

I have an apartment in Highland Park, but it will not free up until August. Seeing as how my job started long before that, I needed a place close to this city that I love where I might live in the interim.

The obvious choice was my grandparents place up the Ohio River Boulevard. Not to be too specific with where the house is, but it is in the same neighborhood as the Lemiuexs and Sid the Kid. ;-)

So I’m living with the g-rents, and it has been awesome. My cousins live in Chile, and since they carve out a month of their summer every year to come live with these g-rents, they actually have spent much more time with them over the years… I am relishing the opportunity to live with them now. Plus, their place has central air.

So I imagine there will be a theme here for a while where I blog about the crazy stuff I run into with them. Here are a few tid bits:

A. My grandparents open the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette everyday, cut out the crossword puzzle, clip it to a clip board and when I come home it is almost completed.

It seems they are excited to have me around because I can help fill in some of the pop-cultural references to which they are not privy. The other day my grandfather asks me “do you know the company that produced Lord of the Rings?” “Newline Cinemas” I said. “Newline? With a ‘w’”—“yes. Newline.”—“well, I had the N-E-W and the I-N-E…” Then he informs me that the “L” also fills in this clue “Beatles song: I am the ____” “Walrus I said” – “yes, I had the W-A and the R-U-S.” wa_rus… wow.

B. My grandparents are not particularly tech-savvy… no computer, same TV for the past 15 years or so…

So I have been working on them. I got my grandmother to get herself an iPod to help with her tinnitus… that story is worth it’s own post to come later…

I also brought them a DVD player. Let me put this in perspective… They just got rid of their BETA deck… a medium that has not been on the consumer market for a good 25 years. So when I showed up at the house one afternoon with a DVD player for them, they were a little overwhelmed.

I said “I’m sick of you two complaining that there is nothing on, then quoting the lines in ‘Everybody Loves Raymond” 6 second before the character says them… so I brought you a DVD player… and 7 seasons of Cheers… and The West Wing…”

They told me to just replace the VCR with it… and couldn’t even remember how to turn the VCR on.

So I got it all hooked up, and we gathered around the new device, both of them looking at it as if pushing the wrong button might cause a small explosion that would require emergency services.

I gave them a walkthrough of the basic functions, and we watched the first several episodes of “Sports Night.”

The next night, I walk in from work to find them staring a screen displaying 9 images of different chapters from the “Casablanca DVD.”

“I tried to pause it when we heard you walk in, and I think I broke it,” was the response I got from my grandfather, who was sitting there with a “well… this sucks” expression on his face.

... we'll just assume...

Ok... so...

A spider monkey escaped from its enclosure at the zoo in Michigan City Indiana... by climbing up a garden hose.

Apparently crews were draining the moat that keeps the monkeys in, left the hose hanging down into the enclosure and our little friend, who was used to thinking "there is no way out of this dump" started thinking "not anymore..."

First, i cannot believe that a moat can keep these guys in the pen at all. That is crazy. Monkeys have got to be able to swim Especially in still water. Unless of course there are large, monkey eating fish or crocodiles in the moat, but with PETA around, i doubt that would ever fly. "oh look it is like the natural world!" -- "NO! We are PETA, and we thinking animals are people... they shouldn't be subject to the natural world... or zoos... or both... or... lets go get more red paint!"

Go luck PETA.

The other thing that gets me is this line

"Zoo Director Johnny Martinez says workers had figured the monkeys would remain inside their enclosure during the cleaning despite the lack of water in the moat to act as a barricade"

... blink... blink...

Apparently the workers at the zoo are bulking up their resumes in hopes of being the next James Bond Villains. "We will empty the containment devices, turn our backs and trust that monkeys don't try to escape and run back the wild where they belong. What could go wrong?"

I dunno... they could... uhm... escape?

"You're not listening... it's foolproof!... we will TAKE AWAY all the things that keep these creatures contained then we will not watch while we clean their area and leave a vine-like instrament dangling to the outside world near these animals that are natural climbers and tree-dwellers and trust that they will just stay put. We are people... they are animals. We are SO much more clever."

HAH!

Where to now...?

Well, the Ghetor has graduated and moved on from the Village of Mr. Meade, and now must decide what to do with this blog. All four people who read it must be waiting with bated breath.

I have taken a job in Pittsburgh, where my heart has always been, and couldn't be happier where i am. I had considered blogging about the burgh, but there are some bloggers to whom i would never match up in this city... so i will leave that niche up to them.

Therefore, in lieu of not writing at all, i will just post "the misadventures of a Ghetor Grad" on here.

I was at a Stanley Cup final game in Pittsburgh (the game was being played in Detroit, but for five dollars one could buy a ticket to The Civic Arena (i will never call it the mellon arena) and watch the game on the jumbotron) and wouldn't you know i was sitting next to another allegheny alum? she graduated a couple years ahead of me... actually taught me pivot turns in the waltz as my Ballroom T.A. Later in that game, a kid ended up standing next to me... looked familiar. He is a year behind me in school.

Blame it on "everyone at Allegheny is from Pittsburgh" but Gators are everywhere.

I have seen 6 Allegheny bumper stickers on different cars on the Parkway and 65 North in the last two weeks.

Anyway... i'll have to have some adventures so i can post them on here.

some half serious reflections

So, someone wanted a post culminating a senior year at Allegheny.

I have no idea where to begin. None. Whatsoever.

President Cook is leaving. That is sad. He was truly one of the best things that happened to the college in the last half century or more. (Read Helmerich's book Through all the Years and then tell me i am wrong). He will be sorely missed.

Four years hardly seems like enough time to be anything more than a visitor somewhere, when i think about it. It sounds so trite, but it really feels like just the other day that my parents left me in the campus center, my father trying to hold up to be strong for my weepy mother.

And now here I am, gone from there... an Alumni with a diploma. And a polyester gown that i was required to purchase from the book store.

So, aside from all the curricular lessons I learned, I am thinking back on the life lessons that this place taught me. Here are a few.

1. Make friends with the custodians, the secretaries and the food service workers. The administration is great, and makes lots of important decisions, but these are the people who really run the place. Need to get into the radio station for your 8am radio show? Clide the CC custodian has your back. Looking for a list of alumni working in your field? Kay in ACCEL will hook you up. Worried that McKin's will run out of Glacier Freeze or Riptide Rush Gatorade? Norman and Frank will save some for you.

2. Don't mess with security. Their badges may actually be sewn onto their uniforms, but when the spot you are parked in is designated to be a handicapped spot overnight, they WILL fine you... for parking in a handicapped spot. Don't argue. you won't get anywhere.

3. No one will ever figure out room-draw. Just give up trying. You'll be a lot happier.

4. Explore Meadville. It may be falling in on itself, but it is a fun place to explore. There are little treasures like the Dearhead Inn, or The Penny Bar, The Market House and Pampered Palate. Take a Saturday and wander around... Just be sure to take mace, on the off chance you end up in a part of town with no sun.

5. Buy and umbrella... before your senior year. (oops).

6. Buy winter boots and long underwear. Allegheny is guaranteed to be the last place to feel the effects of Global Warming. It is on the seal... translate the Latin.

7. Classes won't be canceled... ever... so don't check your email in the morning. It isn't worth the time. 5 feet of snow and Physical Plant hasn't gotten around to shoveling yet? Too bad, get an earlier start on the hike. There is no power because a tornado blew through Cochranton? (you think i am kidding, don't you...) Oh well, grab a flashlight... we will talk about what you WOULD have done with the computers in class.

8. The side of Bentley that faces Brooks walk? Fun Fact: THAT IS THE BACK. Take a look.

9. If you are looking for the ghost in Hullings, you won't see her. And if you stay up all night looking for her, you will not only annoy the girls on those floors, but you will probably miss class the next day. Cause you will be sleeping.

10. Taking a brick from Brooks walk does not make you cool. I promise.

11. They sell Ramen noodles in town too... you don't have to go to Wal Mart every other day.

12. Football games are fun. Who cares if it is D III? They are fun events cause you can see professors and administrators out of the classroom or office. And yell ridiculous stuff with them.

13. Go to Late-Night McKinley's sober some weekend. It's called drunk-watching. You get points for every drunk kid who talks to you, bonus for everyone that hits on you. You also get points for all the people you see drunkenly fall on the ice outside the CC. Bonus if they are in a mini-skirt (gender is irrelevant).

14. Don't take anything you do too seriously. The Campus is a college newspaper. The theatre department is at Allegheny... not Julliard. The choir? Ok... they actually sound amazing. Bio majors? I have tough news for you. Your comps are not more work than everyone else's. They're not. Plus, you have a whole year to do them... many of the rest of the students do not. Also, you CHOSE to do a bio comp. Quit your ich-bay-ing and do the work. We don't want to hear about how hard it is.

15. Learn to be happy. Learn to love rain and snow, to love sun in September and those random moments where you have nothing to do. If you can be happy in Meadville, you will be able to be happy most places.


These are just some wistful things that stick in my mind. I also have learned that Bill Clinton will come if there are lots of college kids running around campus with beer on Springfest and he can claim it is a "campaign stop" for his wife.

Oh Man!

Just watch this.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5QFtEYMsnck

Quick... GET IN HOVEROUND!

Well, law enforcement reached a new low this week. A man in an electric wheelchair -with his whole leg sticking straight out in a cast- robbed a bank in California and got away. He got away. A geriatric in a wheelchair.

Let's break down what probably happened, shall we?

The guy rolls up to outside of the bank like Dr. Strangelove. His leg is prohibiting him from opening the door, so he has to wait for someone to come out of the bank. When they do, he wheels his way into the establishment.

After checking his oxygen tank, and making sure the tube is securely positioned under his nose he adjusts his driving cap puts on his old-man sunglasses, and removes the afghan from his lap, revealing a pistol.

Someone sees it and screams, people dive for cover, and startled by the commotion and loud noises the guy bumps the joy-stick on his wheelchair to the side, and starts spinning around and around yelling "this is a stick-up!"

After he gains control of the chair he wheels up to the teller, still brandishing the pistol. By this time SOMEONE in the bank has pushed that panic button, and the police have to have been alerted. The old man asks for as much money as he can fit in the basket on the back of his scooter, and turns around to leave.

Getting to the door, he has to have someone (probably a "hostage") help him with the door. then he gleefully zips down the sidewalk at a brisk 4 mph or so.

I can hear the police radio conversation now: "Control, this is Unit 10-8... we are in slow pursuit on foot of a armed man heading east down the sidewalk of Main Street on a Rascal. Please send bicycle backup."

"Roger that unit 10-8... Amble with caution."