Why Die Hard is the Greatest Christmas Movie of all time.

An interesting thing happened to me this year. Someone at the church for which I work sat next to me at lunch one day and said "hey... what is your favorite Christmas movie?". "Die Hard." I said. "Really?" came the incredulous response. "Yes. Really."

What I didn't know was that the person asking me the question was basically working in "Press mode" as she was compiling a list of the staff's favorite movies for our big newsletter... it goes to the entire congregation... a couple thousand people. The best part was the way it was laid out in the newsletter. It was listed down a left side column in the middle of the newsletter, in a simple list form with the staff members name, and his or her movie pick. The list was something like:

"It's A Wonderful Life; A Christmas Story; It's A Wonderful Life; The Nativity; Christmas Vacation; It's A Wonderful Life; It's A Wonderful Life; It's A Wonderful Life; Home Alone; Christmas Carol; Elf; It's A Wonderful Life; DIE HARD."

Yupp... they put my choice at the very bottom so after you read all the "classics" and sweet picks, and funny kids movies you saw mine... a seemingly irreverent and sarcastic pick.

I cannot stress enough, however, how serious I am.

Here are some questions that always arise with this choice of movie, and the answers that I would put forth. Essentially, Die Hard Apologetics (great band name, btw... Dave Barry).

Q: How is Die Hard a Christmas Movie?

A: How is Die Hard NOT a Christmas movie? The movie opens with Officer John McClane of the NYPD on a flight to L.A. to be with his children and estranged wife... for CHRISTMAS. Boom. If that isn't enough for you, the party in the Nakatomi building that is taken over by Hans and his thugs is a CHRISTMAS party.

Beyond that there are all the makings of a typical Christmas movie. Christmas jokes, Christmas references, a family trying to make things normal at the holidays, McClane ever tapes a gun to his back with Christmas tape at one point.

Also, the theme for the Bad Guys is a mix between a major and minor rendition of Beethoven's 9th symphony's "Ode to Joy"... both a classic Christmas tune, and a national song of Germany (quite the apropos double entendre).

Q: But even if it is a Christmas movie, how is it better than the classics?

A: First of all, it IS a classic. It has three sequels, two of which are great... and one of which is still fun.

Second of all, it has so many redemptive values. McClane realizes that he has been a jerk to his wife, and his wife realizes that she has been to hard on her husband.

Al Powell, the first officer on the scene down on the ground has never been able to fully serve in his capacity as a member of the L.A.P.D. because he made a mistake years ago. That guilt has been weighing on him ever since, and has crippled his ability to perform his calling. I won't give away the ending to anyone who has never seen the movie, but he is redeemed in the end.

Third of all, it is just a great movie. The cinematography is brilliant. Use of long lenses, and great depth of field add a feeling that at any moment I could freeze the frame and make it into an awesome poster (note to self... see if that market has been tapped). The subtle things like the above mentioned use of Beethoven's 9th, and "Singin' in the Rain" for the hacker on the bad guys team.

Also, the story telling is great. In the opening scene McClane is told by a fellow passenger that the secret to not fearing flying is to get off the plane, go to your destination, take off your shoes and make "fists with your toes" on the carpet. This seems like just banter to get the movie started, but McClane takes that advice, and because he does, he is shoeless when the terrorists arrive, and is therefore shoeless the rest of the movie. It ends up being critical.

Also in an early scene the limo driver tells McClane all the features of the limo, one of which is a TV and another a CB radio. Because of this, the limo driver is able to monitor what is going on through the news outlets, and he can hear everything that McClane and the police are saying to each other.

These are just a few examples of the brilliance in the story telling. There are many more.



Now don't get me wrong. I like Christmas movies. I grew up on The Santa Clause, and Home Alone (I and II), and both A Christmas Story and It's A Wonderful Life are on my list of "classics". I just don't think it gets any better than Die Hard. Sure, it's a rough and tumble shoot 'em up, Action Movie with lots of guns and shouting in German, and I won't allow my children to see it until they are grown up and can understand it as it should be understood... but, I feel it stands up with the best of them. It doesn't try to be anything it isn't but what it is... is amazing.

I know I've vented about Comcast a lot, but seriously... the company is basically evil.

Tuesday of this week I was at wrok from 7:45zm till about 11:15pm, and when i got to my grandparents place that night to watch The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien (all hail!) my grandfather says "i don't know if you can do anything about it, but you are the only one with a working phone." What he meant was that their digital land-line (the only phone they have, and most likely the only phone they will ever have) had gone out.

I immediately muted Conan (all hail!) and called comcast. I got a girl on the phone, and as usual (yes, this is not the first time my elderly grandparents have trouble with the phone) she asked me to reset the modem, and she tried to send a signal to the house. Nothing. No dice.

She said "well, i can send a technician over on Thursday."

Thursday. Really?

"How is that acceptable?" i asked. "This is their only connection to the outside world! What are they supposed to do if they need something?"

"Well, if something frees up we can send someone there earlier."

"So would you like my cell phone number to let me know?"

"No, we will just call them."

"I think I'm confused."

"Well Thursday is the earliest I can get someone there. But if something happens and I get someone there tomorrow there tomorrow, I can call them."

(blink)(blink)

"And how, do you suggest, might you call them... WHEN THEY'RE PHONE IS OUT?"

"Oh. do you have a cell phone?"

"How do you think I'm calling you right now?"

"Can I have your cell phone number?"

"There ya go, kid."


I was DUMBFOUNDED by this exchange. I am so sick of having to take Valium every time i talk to the idiots. And somehow they have had a monopoly on cable in the area.

My grandfather informed me that as soon as he has phone service back he will be calling Verizon for FiOs.

Bob Dylan to Record GPS Voice

California- It was announced last week that Bob Dylan may be recording the voice of direction on consumer GPS systems for use in their automobiles.

A spokesperson was quoted as saying "this seemed like a good idea, since we had so many complaints from people telling us how easy it was to understand the other voices".

"It just isn't enough of an adventure when you know what your Garmin or your TomTom is saying to you. This way it is like a Puzzle!" said one enthusiastic consumer, hoping to get her hands on one of the first models to have this feature.

It looks like lots more people will be on their own with no direction home.






Ok, while i made up the quotes, the part about Dylan doing the GPS voice is true... and i just filled in the blanks.

Grandparents and Other Old Stuff

My Grandparents have been a great source of comedic material for me over the past few years. They are just ridiculous human beings at times. Being depression babies, they refuse to throw anything out, because maybe... just maybe... we might be able to use it someday.

The basement is FULL of old stuff... just stuff. It's mostly crap (certainly not literally) for which not only do they have no use, but no one else would want unless they were a scrap and recycling facility. Being young and having only so many earthly possessions of any value (mostly my furniture) I finally pushed them to work with me to clean some of this stuff out of the basement, so that I could store my stuff in there when I move.

"We can try, but I don't know what we are going to be able to get rid of," was all the succession i could get from them. My reply was "How about the toaster that hasn't worked in 40 years?" "Well, that's true, but it doesn't make enough room for your couch!"



So, one Saturday we ventured down the stairs, and started to sift through old stuff. I cannot BELIEVE the worthless garbage they had. Old newspapers with no historical significance; carpet scraps from when they re-carpeted the bedrooms; toys that have been broken for 30 years; literally a bag of recycling that was never taken out.

Thankfully, these two geriatrics have pretty good senses of humor so I was free to crack lots of jokes.

At one point, i reached under the ping pong table (a piece of furniture i had literally heard of all my life, and never laid eyes on because it was piled halfway to the ceiling with junk) and pulled out to two old televisions. I just held them up, and looked at my grandfather. What follows is our exchange:

Grandpa: "The one on the right has picture but no sound, and the one on the left has sound, but no picture... so we figured if our other three sets went bad, we could put these together, and get the sound from one, and the picture from the other, and it would be a one good television."
Me: "I'm throwing these away."
Grandpa: "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

I sometimes wonder what the world will look like in another 20 years. One of my favorite songs is The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again," the rallying-cry anthem for angered and newly-wise youth for decades. The line that haunts me is the final one: "meet the new boss, same as the old boss."

There is this whole air of polarization with the previous generations that the people my age just cannot seem to comprehend. Even our once "liberal" grandparents seem to get to an age where everything is a cause for indignation. "That was never how it was when i was your age," or "I remember when a coke was a nickel!"

That is funny (and sometimes obnoxious) but it is mostly harmless. What really scares me is the intolerance and anger caused by knee-jerk reactions from a still-politically-polarized older generation. They see one thing that they are not sure about, and they get all up-in-arms. You mention universal health care and they pull the "socialism card." You talk about conservation and "going green" and suddenly they see you as a hippie, and a tree-huger. Its B.S.

I certainly have issues with people on the far left. I always have. I don't need someone to yell at me because they don't think i know how to recycle, and I find it laughable that PETA wants us to call fish "sea kittens" so that we will feel more sympathetic to them, and therefore less likely to eat them. But I am equally disgusted by conservatives who refuse to actually conserve. People who think it is funny, or a form of protest to go through recycling bins and throw stuff out because they "hate hippies that much." If you hate hippies that much, then destroy hemp clothing, or blast Ted Nugent... don't ruin the planet for everyone. You're morons.

My sincerest of hopes is that the understanding and openness I see in most of my peers is something to which we are able to hold. It is an interesting time we live in; we are not the hippie counter-culture of the 60's, all about screwing the man, and free love, and do whatever makes you feel good and all is well in the world. We are a different kind of radical. We are radical that says you don't have to tow the party line. You can actually think for yourself, and fall on one side or the other, depending on the issue at hand.

It is strange that being a legitimate "moderate" is such a radical thing. I recently had someone tell me that there is no such thing as a moderate... just someone who is too afraid to admit what they really think. The funny thing is I have heard that form the extremities of both sides of the spectrum. It was strange, too, because for the longest time I was just afraid to admit that I was a moderate.

I hope and pray that my generation can hold on to the open mindedness that most of us have. We don't need to compromise our beliefs, or cater to others, but just understand that it is our differences that make us worth knowing, and worth listening to. If we all thought the same, wed have nothing to talk about.

Music of the Soul

Psychologists have been debating issues of the psycho-sematic and placebos for years. Can the brain change its chemical contents just because it thinks of something? Or maybe because it tastes something? Or maybe because it hears something?

Certainly because of hearing something...

There is something about good music that is so quenching to the soul. There are many categories of music in my library, and i don't mean genres... categories like "when i want to rock out" music and "poppy music that i am embarrassed to own, and only break out when i am alone in the car where no one can hear me, or when i am being really goofy with my friends late at night" musc... there are many categories.

These are not the categories that i am talking about. I feel like any music can physically effect the chemical content of one's mind... triggering the pumping endorphins and serotonin. Mmmmmm...

The music that really hits my soul though is the most valuable to me... the stuff where someone has really poured his or her own soul into the composition. For me several of these songs are found on one album... and i just acquired it on vinyl.

The album is "Ben Folds Live" by Ben Folds (go figure). The self described "punk for sissies" artist dropped the other two members of "Ben Folds Five" his ironically-named three piece band (consisting of a drummer and a bass player) and went on tour in 2002 with just his piano and voice.

I had never heard Fold before he visited Allegheny while I was there. I was told i should go to the concert, and i have been a fan ever since. His music was amazing, the blending of pop, rock, punk, humor and bluntness was amazing... and to cap it all off, he was an amazing entertainer.

On Ben Folds Live he played a lot of his classics, plus several of the songs of the album "Rockin' the Suburbs"... his newest released at the time.

What really hits me on this album is the stuff that was almost intended to be played solo. The soulful and real feeling come through on songs like "One Down," the classic and most-popular track "Brick," "Not the Same," and my personal favorite "Emaline." I can literally sit for hours listening to this kind of music. There is something about it that transfers a state of nostalgia that is at once familiar and strange. I find myself taken back to the time when i first heard these tracks, feeling the pain and the joy of that time in my life. The interesting thing about that nostaglia, is that these songs inspired a similar feeling of nostalgia the first time i heard them. It was taking me to a place i had never been, but somehow remembered.

I bought it on vinyl this past week, and with the warmth and clarity of brand-new 180 vinyl these tracks shine. I don't have to read some psychological study to know that music effects the brain... and this stuff is gold.

Boy Price to visit White House

MEETS

Mayor Lukey Ravenstahl, the Boy Prince of the Burgh is going to the White House to meet with Barak Obama...

Oh My God... I have not been this frightened for Pittsburgh since Tommy Maddox had to QB for Ben in the '04 season.

We are sending the DUMBEST elected official in the history of forever to the White House to brag about the time he met Tiger Woods and show off pictures of his baby. 20 bucks says he invites our President to a country music concert in "Burgettestahn" in "one of them homeland s'curity suv's they give me for bein' the mayor." I bet he also tries to tell Obama about how every knew his name at the "stillers" rally "yeah, they were all yellin "luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuke"... completely unaware that EVERYONE in the entire stadium was shouting "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

I just pray that he doesn't wander into the Situation Room while they are putting and insist on a photo-op with the joint-cheifs. Gawd.

What is that career path: Andy Rooney Edition

"Why does Mickey Mouse wear pants and no shirt, while Donald Duck wears a shirt and no pants?" and "why do we park in a driveway and drive on the parkway?" or "why is this firm little thing still called a floppy disk? Is anyone using these things?"

Andy Rooney has been an unfortunate staple of 60 Minutes for years. This guy sits behind a desk at the end of the show, and complains about stuff. I say it is unfortunate because it depresses me. I feel that I could EASILY perform this job, and do it, perhaps, with a much more approachable style... but that is just me. In all reality I admire the fact that Mr. Rooney has been able to make a lucrative career out of being incredulous. I want to know what his career path was. How did he land this job? Where do you start as an entry-level complainer?

This idea hit me this morning when I poured a cup of coffee. The pot spilled coffee all over the counter as I tried desperately to get it in the cup. I have a great deal of trouble getting this coffee pot to pour without spilling... I have even utilized the scientific method in an effort to find the best way to get the coffee from the pot, and into the cup. The results were that there isn't one.

The problem I have with this is that the coffee pot has two jobs that I can determine: The first is to catch the coffee that has percolated through the coffee maker, and the second is to pour that collected coffee into my cup. It is batting .500. This coffee pot flat out fails at HALF of what it is intended to do. How does this thing get made? I don't get it.

It is in the same vain as my parent's refrigerator. This appliance features an alarm to let you know if you have left the door open. After a minute or two of the door being open it sounds as if there is a truck backing up somewhere.

While they tout this as a great feature of the fridge, the fact is that the only reason to include this feature is if you have made a fridge whose door does not close well. So instead of spending the money and R&D on making a better door, they put in an alarm, and billed it as a feature... almost literally one of the "bells and whistles".

My dad and I both came to this conclusion when we realized that the door almost never closes on it's own... in fact, sometimes when you think you have closed it, the alarm lets you know just how wrong you are. Then you have to go back and secure the seal. It is insane.

Why can't they just make a fridge door that works? Is that so hard?

Yeah.. i feel like mr. rooney.

An Update on My Generation

My last rant was in regard to my shock at my parents generation over estimating the power of the internet for our television viewing habits.

One of my many points in that post was about how we don't want to watch low-resolution content online when we can watch high resolution content on the TV. Since writing that I have discovered that there is high-res content on sites like Hulu.com. However... they are still not as good as watching the old tube, and here is why. They load really freaking slow. REALLY slow... and then, once they are loaded, they play back at a TERRIBLE frame rate... skipping and jumping, and re-buffering. Not a good solution.

And, yes, you could blame that on the internet to which i subscribe, but i have the fastest cable internet that comcast offers... so i don't see how that is a viable argument. I realize that cable internet gets slower and slower as more people use it... but fiber optics and other forms of high speed internet are very expensive. I still feel that my point stands.

Anyway... I concede that there is High Res stuff online, but I still have to watch it in my desk chair, and the quality is not acceptable.

TV and m-m-m-my g-g-generation

This past week I had the privilege to to sit down with two executives from a local television and multi-media empire to talk about an idea i have for some original programming. during the meeting, they suggested that our generation doesn't really watch TV. Their understanding was that traditional television is wasted on us, and instead studios and production entities should be focusing on the web. I certainly think that there is a place for web and television integration, but i have to say it is scary to realize that this is how our parents generation sees us.

Yes, television has evolved. There is on-demand TV for the "now" generation, and on-screen guides. There are websites for each popular TV show, and web-exclusive content and "extras" online. There are even "webisodes" that are shorter, more streamlined side story lines for characters on shows such as the "the accountants" on "The Office."

However, we are not a generations of people who wants to do nothing more than sit in front of our computers. They are getting it wrong. And that scares the evalivin' out of me.

Our parent's generation has come to see us so much as these "interweb-savvy" kids, and so able to adapt to new technology and formats that they are over reacting. They overestimate the power of the web and are trying ot re-invent the wheel. The problem is that the new wheel is coming out sqaure. And squares don't roll. That's why the old wheel is round.

Deep breath.

There are several reasons why this older generation is just totally wrong, and being a part of the younger generation, i would like to put in my two cents. Here a few reasons that we "my g-g-g-g-g-generation" still watches TV.

1. Surfing: Channel surfing and web-surfing are very different for a couple of reasons. The biggest even present in the name difference. Channel surfing has channels. There is a button that takes you to the next one in line. There is no "next webpage" button. You create your own path. When channel surfing, whether on a standard TV where you surf up or down, with an on-screen guide, you have a series of things from which to pick, and you are directed nicely from one to the next. On the web, there is no direction from one thing to another. You go to your favorite web site, explore it, and then enter the URL for the next one. Or, you can use a search engine, but who knows what will show up. You may think that having set channels is restricting, but it allows people to have a managable set of options.

Along similar lines, how much easier is it for something to "land in your lap" when you are channel surfing, as oppposed to web-surfing? It is so much more concievable that there is media on the web that you will NEVER see because you have no series of connections to get there. You will never hear anyone say "well... here are our options on the internet... we looked at everything. We finished the internet." When channel surfing, you pass through all the channels, and somethign can catch your eye that you would never have found otherwise. Imagine if TV was soemthing where you only went directly to the channels you wanted... you would miss everything in between. And yes, we hardly watch a fraction of what is broadcast, but if you flip through channels just ONCE you are at least aware of everything that is on at that time. All the currently availible media has passed through your consciousness, if briefly.

2. Creedence: When you are flipping through channels, you know that someone has chosen to put money into producing and broadcasting that which you are watching. Now, this is an admittedly weak argument, because we all have sat down at the set, flipped through 200 channels and then said "200 channels, and there is still nothing on". Agreed.

BUT... if someone says to you "The Discovery Channel has a great show on Tuesdays called 'Dirty Jobs'... you should watch it," we are much more likely to trust that it is a good show because we know Discovery Channel, and it lends creedence to the statement. We are not as likely to trust someone who says "there is this great show on the internet on a website about guy doing jobs that are dirty." We know notihng about the show, who produces it, where to find it... we have no barometer of immediate analysis. This works the other way too... if someone says "i love a show on Discovery" and you don't like that network at all, you probably won't watch it... but at least there is something that allows to have some sense of what is being produced. The internet is a HUGE crappe shoot.

3. HDTVs are AWESOME: High Definition is amazing. It is simply awesome. Awesome in the most literal definition of the word. It fills people with awe. I gave my grandparents an HDTV, and they have stopped watching the news on KDKA (where they ALWAYS watched the news... good old brand loyalty) and started watching it on WPXI because KDKA does not have HD facilities for their in-house facilities. (All the national content the get as a CBS affiliate is HD.. ust not the local news and other shows produced here). My grandparents actually switched a life-long devotion to 'channel 2' as they call it, because of HD.

My generation is buying HDTVs left and right. We love them. Bigger and bigger TVs with beter refresh-rates all the time... more pixels, more resolution... why would anyone think that we donm't want to watch TV on these machines? Of course we also want to play XBox and PS3 on them, watch Blu-Ray in brilliant 1080p and surround sound, but we also want to watch TV shows on them. And we want ot watch them in high def.

If I can sit in front of my 50-inch plasma TV and watch The Office in 720p with 5.1 dolby digital surround sound, why would anyone think I would prefer to watch it on my computer, wating while it loads, then having to deal with it skipping, having a slower frame-rate and with stereo headphones? The biggest I can see it on my computer is 15-inches. 15 vs. 50. Hi. 50 wins. Everytime.

It's a no-brianer.

4. Setting: I will confess that I have watched both The Office and 30 Rock on the internet... but that is ONLY when I miss the broadcasts. Think about it this way... I am watchign them on a tiny little screen, with pooer quyality, and I am sitting in a desk chair. The alternative is sitting on a big chooshy couch with my feet up on a ottoman, and one of the best combinations of sound and video quality availible. The setting is so much more conducive to watchign TV in my living room than it is at my desk. This is what my TV, sound system and couch were all designed to do. And they are really good at it. That is why i have them. We shouldn't be making it worse by forcing people to abandon this set up for the computer.



Now... i will agree that the internet is a VERY important piece of this whole progressing integration of media. Of course we should be putting the shows online as well... but not exclusively. What is driving to the watch them online if they have no broadcast presence. There is just too much crap out there online. Youtube is full to overflowing with the stupidest stuff i have ever seen. If you watch the viral video of the two brittish kids in which the older one says "charlie bit me" after his baby brother bites him, you can then watch HUNDREDS of other videos where people have re-created the video. I don't want to watch that. That is not funny. I have seen the original. It is stupid. And, i think people should be allowed to put that online... it is thier right to do so, but i don't like sifting through all the crap. TV helps me sift through thte crap.

But i am off point. There should certianly be an integration of TV and internet, and there is... but if people really think that they should stop putting good media on TV for our generation and just put it on the web, then they are HORRIBLY misguided. And that worries me. Both for the sake of our parents generation and for ours. They are missing some great opportunites to get eyeballs, (which bring in money) and we are missing great media because we cannot find it as readily.

I do think that superior media will come through wherever it is... eventually. Take Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long blog par example... it was a web-exclusive enterprise, and it was just good enough that it has been growing and growing in popularity. But how much faster and broad would it have been if a TV network had said "this is good. we will put it on our air." It would have been HUGE.

I don't think all hope is lost, but I hope our parents remember when THEY listened to The Who and sang... "talkin' 'bout m-m-m-m-my g-g-g-g-generation."

Update on My Friend

The vet showed up to examine the dog, knowing that he might be putting him down that day. instead, he told us that 'the bear's' Lungs and Heart are in fine shape. So he said the dog could last another week, or even several months. He put 'the bear' on some pain killers, to which he said most animals respnd very well. So plans have changed... if i am still 'free' when my parents go on vacation I will be spending that week at home, dog sitting.

It is a strange world in which we live.

On Losing a Friend

Anyone who has been as blessed with friends as I have knows about losing them. I have lost many myself.

Sometimes it is through death, or tragedy. Sometimes it is through joy as they open a new chapter in life. Sometimes there is a falling out, and other times it is simply a falling away. A move, a change of direction, a change of desire. Sometimes someone chooses something else, and sometimes it cannot be avoided.

What make losing this friend is the choice. My friend is 18. He is has always been patient and calm. he has always been loyal and he has always loved my family. He has also been a huge part of the family even though he elects to eat off the floor rather than at the table with the rest of us.

Kuma is half-golden retriever, half-mutt (I guess that makes him all mutt, really) and he looks like a bear. His name even means "bear" in both several Native American Languages and Japanese. (Don't tell me there wasn't a land bridge).

18 years is a long time for a dog of his size. He came to us the way our pets tend to... second hand. Growing up as an outdoor pet of the directors of the summer-camp in our town, he needed a home when his previous owners moved away. We gladly took him in, having known him all his life as the Kuma the Camp Dog.

One might expect a dog who lived his whole life outside to be more wild or savage than the average domesticated canine, but Kuma has been anything but. I remember the first day he lived with us in his "retirement home." We opened the door for him, and beckoned him to come in. He sat on the stoop looking at us with an expression of "wait... really? I can come in?" It wasn't long before he realized he didn't have to dart into the house to keep from being stopped. He quickly came to trust us, even though he hated anytime I had to give him a bath.

He quickly became a permanent part of family. Always happy to see us when we came home, dropping to his elbows when my father or I got down on all fours and growled at him playfully, and the outside dog part of him still showed up with a "gift" of a dead chipmunk from time to time.

Over the years, he has slowed. In Dog years he somewhere in the vicinity of 126 years old. His hearing went a few years ago, but he kept trucking. His ability to chase deer and small rodents also faded. We found that over time, even when he was exictedly asking you to throw a tennis ball for him, he would chase it once then wander off to relieve himself instead of returning the projectile.

In the past couple of years he has stopped moving around so much. He spends most of his time sleeping, and the rest of it trying to. He used to roam all over the house, but now he mostly sticks to the front hall and the living room, with the occasional trip to the kitchen if he smells food.

What hasn't changed is his eyes. Kuma has eyes more expressive than I have ever seen on an animal. One of my best human friends often comments on how expressicve and human Kuma's eyes are. They are very telling, expressing surprise, joy, weariness and love.

As Kuma has begun to fail more and more, I have taken several opportunities on trips back home to sit with him and say goodbye. What makes it odd is that he seems to be in no pain, and seems to know I am there... he is, simply, just failing.

So I sit here at the end of Kuma's time in this life. It is an odd feeling. He has lived a good life, and we have given him a good home. But he has given us something much less tangable... and much more valuable. He gave us a friend. One who was always patient and loving, always kind, never boastful, and always happy to see us... even when we are about to give him a dreaded bath. And anyone who knew him will remember him by this.

Mr. Comcastic, pretty Craptastic (to the tune of "bombastic")

Yupp... I am a comcast digital cable subscriber. I have to say that the genesis of this reality was not by choice, but by conscience and lack of options. When i moved into my place, i was hitting the neighbor's wireless network, which he did not (and still does not) have locked.

After a couple weeks I came to the conclusion that this was wrong, and i should be paying for my own services. There may be other internet providers in our area, but the porblem came when attaching television services. Based on my field of expertise, and desired employment, television service becomes an essential part of staying current.

Comcast has a monopoly on cable service in the Pittsburgh area. I am not sure how this happened, but people in power seem to be ok with it, while the general populace has fewer sources of common disdain. So, the cheapest way for us to get service was to bundle cable and internet through Comcast.

I have never been more unhappy with a service provider in my entire life. I am not saying that DirecTV or Verizon FiOs would nessecarily warrant a Christmas card for their service but I have trouble believing they could be as frustrating and irksome as Comcast.

For starters, I had an advertisment in my mailbox for a year of bundled services at a certain rate. So I called. The sales guy, however, told me that they were not honoring that in my area and they could only give me 6 months at that price. I politely explained that their company had delivered a flier to my mailbox and i was looking right at it. I had a code and everything. "sorry... that promotion just ended..." seemingly 30 seconds before i called.

Then I explained that I wanted the cheapest plan with internet, and cable where i got to watch Pirates (why? i dunno, really...) Penguins and Steelers games. He spouted off about 8 different plans, so fast that i am convinced he was trying ot confuse me and get me to take the biggest package.

He then offered to set me up with the "super deluxe premium 8-billion sports channels alone package" for "only your arm, leg and first born... after a 20 organ mail-in rebate" or something rediculous.

Again I explained that I didn't need this. Then he did something i can still hear today. He sighed like I was both waisting his time and burning a once-in-a-lifetime-gift he had congured for me. Here i am, trying to purchase his company's "product" (if you can even call it that) and he is giving me guff.

So i finally signed up for something simple-sounding, and had to call later to refine the plan with a customer service rep. Thanks Sales Guy...jerk.

So, when I called to talk to the customer service rep, I set up auto-pay. I was told this was done.

HOWEVER... the next month i recieved a little yellow strip of paper in the mail form Comcast; "If you don't pay us what you owe plus more, we will tear off your remainig limbs... and then we'll cancel your service." So i called. The answer was "oh... yeah, for some reason the auto-pay didn't take effect. Our bad. Now pay us."

So i set it up again and paid them. I would sue, but i don't see litigation being worth 75 dollars. I would spend that in a consultation, i am sure. So i pay. I pay it all down, and i set up auto-pay AGAIN... and i get CONFIRMATION that it is set up successfully and my account will be debited.

deep breath.

what do i recieve this month in the mail another "If you don't pay us what you owe plus more, we will tear off your remainig limbs... and then we'll cancel your service." Yupp little piece of paper #2. So i call again. And here is the thing... they keep records of all my calls. The guys says "oh yes... i see you called before and set up auto-pay and paid for part of it"... no, i paid for all of it..."uhm... hold please... oh i see what she did. she only made you pay part of it. Auto-pay doesn't take effect for two months (because that makes sense) and she only made you pay one of the months"... but i was told i was all squared away and paid off..."well... that was wrong."... well now i have a late fee..."i see that"... i don't like that... "i am sorry to hear that. is there anything else we can do for you today?"... can you take any of these charges off?..."i am sorry, i cannot do that."... may i talk to your supervisor?..."there is no supervisor here."

Convenient.

THIS is why monopolies were banned under federal law. And just reliving this is raising my blood pressure so i am going to stop typing... just... hopefully someday this will all be righted... kharma... right? right? anyone? ...bueller?

East End Treasures

Apparently I have not posted anything since October. Blogspot hardly remembered me. I signed in, entered my password and it was like the old guy at the registrar's office who knows your records are there somewhere, but he cannot remember where the key is to the "inactive" files.

There is something about applying for job after job after job after job (well over 100 jobs at this point) that completely wears me out. If you have ever done 4 applications in a row, each having 125 question personality profile tests included, you crave the opportunity to look at anything other than your computer screen. The other day I spent a break just watching my coffee maker percolate. It was surprisingly blissful.

I have discovered that the East End of Pittsburgh is not the scary and run-down region I had once thought. In fact I have a new-foumnd respect for this part of town. It is full of hipsters (not to be confused with hippies... shudder) art and culture. In some ways, it is everything Meadville wants to be... just attached to the City of Pittsburgh instead of out in farm country.

I have discovered farmers marktets, and locally roasted coffees. There are corner stores, and littles restaurants. Yeah, there are McDonalds and Home Depot locations, but these are not what defines this part of our steel city.

One of the little gems I have discovered is a local coffee shop. Open from 7am to 10pm (8am-10pm on Sundays) I wandered into this place on a whim one day. I drove past it several times and the fogged up window bays at the front of the shop congured up images of warm drinks, and lively conversation within. It did not dissapoint.

I cannot say that would stand out from any other neighborhood coffee shop for one reason or another... there is no gimmick in here. Nothing strange covers the walls, it will never be featured on a WQED special about odd and quirky places... but it is a pleasant surprise to find that Highland Park has a place like this.

What is even better for me, is that the coffee is good. Strong and hot (TWSS) it is falvorful and smooth. A couple bucks will get you a generous mug of Joe, and a free refill.

It is heart-warming to see a place like this thriving not only in this economy, but in a world over-run by Starbucks and Wal Mart. This is truly a vestige of the America we used to know... and life i grew up with. In my hometown it was not rare to be in the Diner and know over 75% of the other clientele by name. "Hey, Jim... how was the surgery last week? We missed you..." that sort of thing.

I am new to this place, but already the crew behind the counter knows I like a "black coffee for here." They don't know me by name yet, but some of the others are certainly established regulars. Today alone I heard someone check up on some work he had secured for another patron, two people in line in front of me addressed by name... and I don't want to paint the picture too much like a coffee-oriented version of Cheers, but there is a mailman who seems to be a regular after his route here. (I'll call him Cliff for now).

What makes this place really ring of the small-town or locally/independently owned business is the mix of people that it attracts. As I sit reading the morning paper (in the mid-afternoon) there are the expected grad students with laptops, and older people eating the soup, but there are also middle aged people catching up, kids getting off the school bus and heading in for a hot-chocolate to go, and a woman who brought two young boys (about 6 or 7, i would guess) who came here to get caffeine (shakes head), sugar (shakes shakes head more) and play chess. (yupp.. chess).

What all this rambling is really aiming, i am not sure. But I know this: there is a lot to be discovered here. I am realizing why people told me "oh... we LOVE the East End" when they heard i was moving here. I am starting to as well.